Apologies

February 9, 2011 12:34 pm Compassion: 150   

Aged 22 I was walking to work in the early morning sun. I came across a seriously injured cat in the road. The injuries were severe and I doubted you were conscious but you were still breathing. I looked around for something with which to put an end to your suffering but there was nothing. There was no-one else around. I couldn't do it with my bare hands for fear of worsening your suffering. I left you and walked on to work. Even though I'm sure you must have died shortly after I apologise that I didn't do more to help you, even if that meant just staying with you. I've never forgotten. I apologise too to my childhood dog Toby. In your old age you suffered seizures and I remember the night you howled from your basket downstairs. I twice went to your side to calm you and upon returning to bed I heard you cry out a third time and I turned over in bed, conscious of an early start in the morning. You died that night. I am deeply, deeply sorry.

February 9, 2011 12:32 pm Compassion: 147   

I'm sorry for the way I treated my learning disabled son as a baby. I was so afraid of the future for him and for me that I was not loving to him at that time when he really needed me to be. I'm sorry for the atmosphere that my youngest son grew up in. His father and I could not manage to develop a loving relationship and he was the most caught in the middle of all the tension in our home. I'm sorry for not being able to mirror for all my chidren a caring, coorperative partnership with my ex husband. I'm sorry that I just couldn't fix our relationship.

February 9, 2011 12:30 pm Compassion: 141   

My pride has caused me to hurt others intentionally and unintentionally. Pride has caused me to fail to see how I have hurt others and even my own self. If I could take back each harm I've done I would. I am so sorry to those who have suffered at all in knowing me. So sorry.I ask for forgiveness.

February 9, 2011 12:30 pm Compassion: 147   

I apologize to my dear friend, Charlie. You gave me life in so many ways. When you were dying, I wanted to be there for you...but it was so hard to always keep my heart open and vulnerable. I know you were scared and distressed, I saw that and I wanted to help but somehow just even trying to help made it feel like a wall between us, like I was separating into the helper and not being just there as a partner on the journey feeling the pain with you and the awe of knowing there was absolutely nothing we knew how to do to make it better..nothing to say... I felt you wanting me to sooth the fear, to say something wise and comforting, but I didn't know how to approach it. I didn't know how far you wanted to open up to me about it and how much you wanted to keep to yourself, a form of last dignity, and I was afraid to ask. I saw you so tired and sick, still just wanting to make others comfortable with your illness, still wanting to accommodate other people's needs. You were the helper, the teacher in our relationship, I was the dumb kid - although I can hear you now disputing this, you always thinking that I had some wisdom to offer...I wanted to offer you so much more on your dying bed. I'm sorry for all that I could not bear to say, or ask, or do and how in my fear, I left you emotionally alone during your transition. I'm sorry also for not taking on the responsibility of the newspaper after you left, and for arguing with the new owner/editor that you appointed one day before you died. I just couldn't accept working with anyone but you. I know this was my smallness and anger, not Tim's fault. I know it hurt the paper when I quit and I know this decision was my selfishness and laziness. I hope you know that all the work I do to help people now would not have ever come to fruition without you. I love you and miss you everyday...ten years since you died. Thank you for offering this, Ondrea, and for all you and Stephen have done for me.

February 7, 2011 12:02 pm Compassion: 165   

when I was 12 years old, I was babysitting for an infant. I pinched her while she was sleeping. She awoke and cried. I don't know why I did this. I'm so sorry that my own pain was put onto this beautiful baby.

February 7, 2011 12:02 pm Compassion: 159   

I wish to lovingly apologize, from a full heart and with hands to heart, to my sweet, precious, one physical body, the temple, the bearer of my spirit, for the too many years I have extended to it my harshness, disdain, sense of shame, unconsciousness and neglect, unawakenedness, lack of cherishing, lack of gratitude, and, at times, even something akin to revulsion. I am so sorry, sweet body, for the time spent, time wasted, in being unwilling to see the gift, the wonder, the ongoing, impossible miracle that you are; for failing to bless your capacity to give life, to heal, to bring pleasure and joy; to hold me upright, to give me rest, to teach me! My apology comes with an amends to love, cherish, honor, listen to, touch with loving kindness, infuse with beautiful nourishment, be taught by and bless you, as long as we both may live! And so it is.

February 7, 2011 12:01 pm Compassion: 166   

I wish to apologize to my husband of 28 years for withholding sex.

February 7, 2011 12:01 pm Compassion: 166   

I ask my young son to forgive me for arguing with my wife in front of him. He became sullen and quiet and I would not want him to think that his parents' frustrations had anything to do with him.

February 7, 2011 12:00 pm Compassion: 161   

I ask forgivness to Alice for not being a good friend when she needed one.

February 7, 2011 12:00 pm Compassion: 172   

i apologize to my parents for not being the daughter they wanted. i ask forgiveness for this. i apologize to myself for continuously trying to figure this out and trying to find out what about me is so bad or selfish, for constantly looking for the evidence of my unworthiness, my unloveableness and finding evidence for this and then putting myself out of my own heart. i apologize to myself for spending so much of my 67 years trying to figure this out, worrying about it and finding no answer yet being unable to stop this rumination.

February 7, 2011 11:59 am Compassion: 167   

I apologize to a playmate: when we were about 9 years - she was having a birthday, and some "friends" made a "cake" from sand and covered it with colored soapfoam and candles and gave it to her - and i remembered how we laughed when she found out we had tricked her - she looked so sad, and i remembered that i thought "better that you are sad than I" thank you for reading that, Ondrea Nina

February 7, 2011 11:59 am Compassion: 182   

I apologize to my grandmother for not being by her side when she died. My mother did not tell me until it was too late. It appears my grandmother had no one who loved her by her side when she died, and this makes my heart ache. I love you, and I'm sorry, dear heart.

February 7, 2011 11:58 am Compassion: 184   

I apologize for using this site and then cancelling my membership before having it billed to my credit card. I apologize for not realizing soon enough the sincerity and givingness you folks offer. I apologize for any mistrust or skepticism I had of you before seeing your commitment to helping people (me) free myself from my suffering, free myself via forgiveness of myself for that which I have done to hurt myself by hurting others. I apologize in advance for all that I will do because I am not aware, not awake. I apologize to myself when I realize my errors. I apologize for maybe brushing it off, not really feeling the feeling of the pain it causes me, not staying with it until it dissolves. I apologize for misunderstanding so much that is/was intended only for my highest good. I apologize for my stubbornness to be right, to analyze and try to justify, to look for the 'hook' in people. I apologize for not just staying in my own business. I apologize for all the judgments. I apologize to my sister for the rift that I MUST HAVE caused, yet still remains unconscious to me. I apologize for burying it. I apologize for blaming her ~ focusing on her 'sins' against me ~ always trying to make her wrong. Sure, to the world it may look justified. She has lied to me, stolen from me, etc. etc. But when have I lied to her, stolen from her? I apologize for all the conscious and unconscious ways in which I have hurt her, in my thoughts, in my deeds, in my NOT supporting her, in my not explaining to her why and how I could not continue to participate in that which was unhealthy for me and seemed to me to be unhealthy for her. I apologize for being too dependent on her, living my life through her because that seemed easier than finding my own true path. I apologize to her for my jealousy of her successes and my secret (not-so-secret) pleasure in her failures and pain. I apologize for any vindictiveness I have felt. I apologize for the years of misunderstandings. I apologize for not seeing it all as perfect ~ the dance of life. Thank you, Ondrea, and bless you a thousand-fold for the commitment and intention you exhibit in offering people an opportunity to find peace through meditation, forgiveness of self. Your life practice of paying attention to what is, seeking deeper and deeper ways of facilitating folks in peeling the layers is inspirational. The attention you and Stephen pay towards even a little grain of sand is remarkable. The respect you have for the process, what it takes and the time it takes to open to ourselves truly humbles me. I wish you continuing peace and joy.

February 7, 2011 11:57 am Compassion: 234   

I apologize to myself for abandoning myself, such a very long time ago.

February 7, 2011 11:57 am Compassion: 191   

For now, in this immediate moment, having just seen this apology page for the first time, I bow my head to the feet of all those beautiful souls I have tried to love, who wanted my love and who deserved my love and who I let down because I failed to love you in every way you wanted. I saw the exquisiteness of your souls and how you deserved pure love. I could only love you to my best ability at the time and within that, sometimes I caused you pain which was always my greatest pain. I am so so sorry and my tears flow for you. All I can do is love you unconditionally from afar. Forever I love you like this. Forever I love you. Thank you Ondrea x

February 7, 2011 11:56 am Compassion: 192   

Right now, I apologize to my deeper self... to that dark, quiet, hidden self whose connection and love and trust and strong current of faith that I have nurtured and encouraged for so many years.... for having to take this job right now, after so many years of deprivation and financial failure and lack. I am so sorry that it feels so wrong and so hard and so compromising and for not having the courage or the resiliency or the skills or to be able or willing to stand in the face of "whatever it takes" to find a way to break through into the manifestation of meeting, head on, that which I most truly want and most deeply need right now. I am sorry that this is the best that I can do right now and it so clearly is not enough. Please forgive me and help me find a way to let it be OK, just for now, for a way to say yes to this too... the pain, the scarcity, the crumbling of the image of one who can adequately help myself. I am sorry; pleas forgive me. xj

February 7, 2011 11:56 am Compassion: 208   

I want to apologize to my x-husbands, Robert and David. I know that they loved me and in choosing to end these relationships, I disappointed and hurt them greatly.

February 7, 2011 11:55 am Compassion: 208   

Dear Susan, I'm deeply sorry that I was unable to handle the mounting stressors in our lives in ways that might have allowed us to manage our life together more skillfully. It remains a deep regret. Love, Mark

February 7, 2011 11:54 am Compassion: 257   

I made a mistake. It was a difficult time in my life, 30 years ago and you were helpless, a dog and I should have taken better care. I knew you were ill and I sadly left you for too long before taking yopu to the vet. I still see this as the worst thing I have done. I You had young puppies, just born and I left you there. It still haunts me, please forgive me. I left it for 2 to 3 days because ............ I have no real excuse and you died. I am really really sorry.Your puppies died because they had no mother. We tried for a wet nurse but nothing worked. I still am not able to forgive myself but I saw life differently then. I send you love and light, heart and peace and God willing we will reconnect in the heart oneday.

February 7, 2011 11:52 am Compassion: 197   

Don't like to harm animals, but i will be eating some pizza tonight. I do hope the cow was treated with respect!