Apologies

February 28, 2011 11:41 am Compassion: 126   

I apologize for being a drug addict. I apologize to all of the patients I stole pain medication from, while I was working high and giving you aspirin or tylenol for your pain after open heart surgery. I have been clean and sober for 1 year and 10 months now, and I have a living amends to these patients every day for the rest of my life.

February 28, 2011 11:37 am Compassion: 125   

I apologize to my exhusband for not seeing him better. I realize that I did the best that I could..and that I needed to feel love from him in a particular way to feel that his love was real. I'm sorry that I hurt you so and perhaps made you feel incapable of love. I'm sorry that I had an affair and for the pain that this caused you. I'm sorry that we couldn't stay together. I wish you well. I love you.

February 25, 2011 02:37 pm Compassion: 125   

I apologize to my Self for having to be perfect. To that self that holds on to the fear of being alone I ask you to please surrender and know that you are ok. I apologize for all the unskillful actions that have come from holding on to that fear that I didn't even know was there. May I have compassion for myself as I see the fear for what it is and allow the tears to flow and my heart to melt into its true nature. The one that it has taken birth for. I apologize to my Self each day as a way of remembering that I can forget the need to hold on to the illusion of me making it safe and perfect and release more into the flow of "being" rather than trying to control what is out of my control. I send this apology out to all sentient beings, the planet and the great mystery. I am sorry for not honoring my deep connection to you all and the love that radiates all. Thank you

February 25, 2011 11:50 am Compassion: 125   

i apologize to my big sister for not being a better sister to her. i apologize for all the family dysfunction: i figure if i can see it and name it, i'm the one who ought to apologize for all of it. i ask for mercy for our family, i ask for mercy for my sister and i pray that the great compassionate heart that holds us all, will heal the past and offer renewal in the present.

February 25, 2011 11:48 am Compassion: 122   

My most precious Beloved Mother. I know that in the end everything was okay...that we both melted in to the Great Love that is...that your last days were peaceful...that we knew we loved each other deeply. Yet I just want to say I am sorry that I was not able to be stronger. That my caregiving was indeed too much for me and I could have gotten help sooner. I am so grateful to you that inspite of no "formal" spiritual practice, in many ways you were far more "spiritual" than I. I am sorry that I could not stay with you the night after your surgery. I was sick and had to rest. I am just sorry that I didn't realize how incredible wonderful you are until the last few weeks. That I didn't realize just how deep our love was and is. I love you forever my Beloved.

February 22, 2011 11:33 am Compassion: 130   

Sorry Dad, For not coming to your deathbed when you asked me. You are always alive in my heart, every birdsong reminds me of your love for nature.

February 22, 2011 11:31 am Compassion: 125   

Dad, I am sorry I wasn't with you when you died.

February 22, 2011 11:17 am Compassion: 123   

I am sorry, all my dear boys, for not showing you my open heart at all times. I have loved you all every day of your lives, but I have not told you every day that I love you with an open heart. Sometimes I have been silent when I should have showered you with light and eased your pain as you were growing up. Please forgive me.

February 22, 2011 11:16 am Compassion: 125   

I apologize to my dear life partner who passed over 2 years ago, for how I was not present for you in the past two years of our relationship. I was so caught up in my own needs---what I needed for my own growth and fulfillment, and I was so focused on how caregiving for you took me away from my precious center. I did not realize until too late how I had hurt you, how abandoned you had felt by me. The gap between us widened and yet I stayed with you, telling myself I was a good person to do that, even though I had abandoned you in emotional ways long before that. I apologize for my anger toward you because you died so suddenly, so unexpectedly. I didn't understand why something in you didn't tell me, "this is it, I am going today." I apologize for feeling frustrated because you pushed me away in those last hours, because whatever I did was not good enough for you. I apologize to That Which Is for not cherishing more deeply this beautiful being who was given to me to love.

February 16, 2011 10:52 am Compassion: 119   

I apologize to a person who was truly trying to help me the other day and who's intentions I doubted. I accepted his help, for my heart was open and thankful at that moment. Yet afterward, thoughts of how he could easily take advantage of me from the documents I entrusted him arose. The fear inside my head felt so real, a disaster felt so eminent, that I also began to berate myself for being naive. I couldn't focus until finally I received confirmation that he indeed delivered my documents to the right personnel. There is remorse in buying into the circus that is the mind. I thank him so much for being so kind and helpful.

February 15, 2011 01:05 pm Compassion: 118   

I apologise to you, once one of my closest friends. I was hurtful and callous and justified my actions to myself with a lack of understanding and self-convinced superiority. The betrayal of our friendship is a pain I have carried for many years. I did not understand your true feelings, nor mine. I am so sorry for the part I played in your grief and distress and I find it difficult to imagine being forgiven. I ask for that compassion from you, myself and from the ever-loving heart of the soul, and apologize for holding myself distant from it's bountiful goodness. Thank you to Ondrea and to Stephen, so much heart-learning, for so many years. Thank you any and all who read this.

February 15, 2011 11:19 am Compassion: 124   

I apologize to Riley, my faithful animal friend and companion. You held all of my secrets---self-tortuous concerns, incertitude, sheer joy in day to day moments---and right before my trip, I was too preoccupied with getting things in order that I didn't notice that you were slipping away. I sorry that I didn't hold you closer on your last days and just "be there" with you. And I also apologize to my dearest partner for keeping you for some time now at a distance and...out of my heart in so many ways. I'm sorry that I haven't loved you back in ways that you deserve and that would bring us closer. Thank you for your gentle heart.

February 15, 2011 11:18 am Compassion: 118   

I apologize to Riley, my faithful animal friend and companion. You held all of my secrets---self-tortuous concerns, incertitude, sheer joy in day to day moments---and right before my trip, I was too preoccupied with getting things in order that I didn't notice that you were slipping away. I sorry that I didn't hold you closer on your last days and just "be there" with you. And I also apologize to my dearest partner for keeping you for some time now at a distance and...out of my heart in so many ways. I'm sorry that I haven't loved you back in ways that you deserve and that would bring us closer. Thank you for your gentle heart.

February 13, 2011 05:29 pm Compassion: 124   

Dad, I've neglected you so much in order to protect myself from your silence, from your fear of fatherhood. I've withdrawn to escape the pain of being near your suffering. I've never known how to talk to you. There's no sympathy or love in your life now, and still I feel helplessly tongue-tied around you; I don't know how to open my heart to the fear, the abandonment, the loss of will to live. I don't want you to think your life is over in your 50's, I want to provide you with comfort, with love, with the care that you so desperately crave and wish to offer, but feel too useless to ask for or attempt. It breaks my heart to see the death of resignation in your eyes, to think of these years I've just let you live alone for such stretches. I'm sorry that I can't seem to carry into our time together the moments when pure, unabashed love seems the only sane action. I just get all choked up. Please forgive me.

February 13, 2011 05:26 pm Compassion: 126   

To my wife, whose wisdom and compassion still unnerve me, I'm sorry. For all of the precious moments I've spent in daydream instead of your arms, for all of the moments I'll do it again, I'm sorry. I want so badly to open to you fully, to spend these few years we have together in openness; the sight of my negligence and the foresight of my grief make me so ashamed of each wasted breath in your love. You have offered more heart than anyone in my life, and continue to patiently comfort me. I hope that I can do the same for you in our short time left together. If not, please forgive me.

February 13, 2011 05:20 pm Compassion: 132   

I am so sorry dear god that i am confused about what to do and how to live. I am so sorry that i am unable to love myself. I am so sorry to have failed you and love and everything good and truthful.however it is that i keep failing, i am sorry.

February 9, 2011 12:40 pm Compassion: 127   

I apologize to a venerable monk and mostly my father for not letting him answer a question about Buddhism. After he didn't answer for a while I attempted to answer the question not realizing he knew more english than I thought he did. I'm sorry to my parents for doing self-destructive things too much in the past. I ask forgiveness and send love to a special being I met breifly a few times, they will know what I'm talking about. I wish you the highest peace and us both happiness. You will be in my heart everyday in this life. I apologize to Stephen and Ondrea in advance for not watching the video about this first, if I missed something. I'll watch it though :P And a thank you to Stephen for helping your son in need, which in turn helped me in my mid teens, when I was a punk rocker, which got me into meditation.

February 9, 2011 12:38 pm Compassion: 125   

I'm sorry, for being too quiet around other people, and feeling, thinking of rejection. (deep breaths) I just want more, silence.

February 9, 2011 12:34 pm Compassion: 133   

Please forgive me, dearest daddy, for not getting to the hospital in time to be with you when you left your body, three months ago. The grief is searing still. Thank you for that moment on Saturday morning, two weeks ago. That was the first time I've ever heard "Scarlet Ribbons" sung (on the radio) by anyone else but you. Sending you love and peace and more love. May you be free from suffering.

February 9, 2011 12:34 pm Compassion: 151   

Aged 22 I was walking to work in the early morning sun. I came across a seriously injured cat in the road. The injuries were severe and I doubted you were conscious but you were still breathing. I looked around for something with which to put an end to your suffering but there was nothing. There was no-one else around. I couldn't do it with my bare hands for fear of worsening your suffering. I left you and walked on to work. Even though I'm sure you must have died shortly after I apologise that I didn't do more to help you, even if that meant just staying with you. I've never forgotten. I apologise too to my childhood dog Toby. In your old age you suffered seizures and I remember the night you howled from your basket downstairs. I twice went to your side to calm you and upon returning to bed I heard you cry out a third time and I turned over in bed, conscious of an early start in the morning. You died that night. I am deeply, deeply sorry.