My brother passed away almost a month ago. He was addicted to painkillers. He crashed his truck, his last "lifeline" after having become unemployed and living with my parents for two years. That night he passed away, he took pills and drank heavily. Coroner said it wasn't on purpose, which is nice, but I know he died alone. He had, in the last few days of his life, reached out to everyone he knew, and everyone blew him off, because we all had had to deal with him, in that state, for years. If only we knew it'd be the last time. Earlier this year, he was at my apartment. I offered him a place to stay. Two weeks. I kicked him out after the first night. That was the last time I ever saw him. We talked a few more times after that, but the last image I have of him is of him, through my peephole, walking away, dejected, abandoned, gripping a pillow and blanket he expected to use that night. He slept in his truck that night. I'm sorry, brother. I'm sorry you passed away in your sleep, completely alone, probably scared, probably more sad than anything I'll ever experience. I would like you to know that you weren't alone; that because of your situation, many people were ALWAYS thinking about you, even though probably not in the best of lights. I rest comfortably knowing--believing--that you know that the people you called your friends and family actually did care about you, we just had to take care of our business first. Yes, you came second, but it wasn't a malicious second. I will hopefully someday meetup with you again, in whatever way, shape, or form that comes in. For the rest of my life I will strive to make a positive out of the pure tragedy that your life was. I will name my son your first name, I will be the father you will never get to be, and I will have the family you never will get to have. And that is how I will honor your time spent here, and the people you've touched, even though, in your final moments, you may not think that we cared. We did. We do. Goodbye, brother.

My 16 year old daughter died. She was very disabled and we knew that her life would not be long. She couldn't walk or sit or talk but she was a joyous child who loved life. I left home for 2 and a half weeks to work about 400 miles away and she died suddenly the morning I was coming home. She died alone in her room. My husband had been up and down with her all night and then fell asleep for 2 hours and when he went back to her room she was dead. The doctors had told my husband not to bring her to the emergency room because there were so many sick children and they were concerned about our daughter and her vulnerability and fragility. She had appts. to see her doctors in the early morning but died at dawn. Nobody was with her. We didn't know how sick she was. We don't know why she died so suddenly. We are grief stricken and miss her beyond words. She was the center of our lives. I feel so guilty for not being with her. We knew she was sick but we had no idea how sick. Nobody knew. We miss her so much. We wanted to be with her when she died. She was alone. God forgive us.

about a year ago my younger brother took his life after many years of suffering with anxiety and depression. I know in my heart that nothing I could have done would have changed this tragic outcome. But I do know that there where times when I wasn't always attentive to him and his needs. As we grew older we grew apart and I just wanted to take this time to ask him, wherever his spirit lies, for his forgiveness.

I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW I READ THE APOLOGY PAGE EVERYDAY. WE ARE MOVED BY YOUR HONESTY AND WILLINGNESS TO WORK ON YOURSELVES, TO OPEN YOUR HEARTS AND FORGIVE OTHERS AND, MOST DIFFICULTY, YOURSELVES FOR THE CONFUSIONS WE ALL SHARE WE SEND ALL OF YOU LOVE AND SELF FORGIVENESS. TREASURE YOURSELVES ondrea&stephen;

Nine months ago I separated from my partner of 6 years because I felt as though I wasn't ready to get married, to be a father. It has been nine months and my grief is deeper and louder than ever. I feel like such a failure as a man. I miss you so much my dear sweet friend and I am so sorry for the pain that I have caused you. For all the times you may have felt judged or abandoned by me. I feel that I am not only grieving your absence, but the children we could have had together, our grandchildren. I love you deeply, and so honor and admire your loyalty, integrity, wisdom, and heart. My hope is that the rope burns of grief that I am feeling will allow me to be a better partner in the future, and hopefully a very present father someday. I miss you terribly and I send you all my love. I hope that you have some peace in your heart and that you know how special you are.

oh how i suffer over the ways i've been unskillful to my daughter. my sweet beautiful one, whom i relinquished at birth, i love you so much. we've both worked so very hard these past 12 years to learn to love, to trust, to heal, to bond. i cannot call back those 18 years we missed together. i offer you now, the present moment, a willing heart, and the deepest of apologies. please forgive me.

I apologize to this dear strong man who wants to love me and be loved in return. I have shut down in fear and rather than accepting my fear I act out in anger in order to get the distance I seem to need. I feel unworthy of love and would like to forgive myself for that.....again. An entire new world has opened it's door and I am afraid to go outside. I apologize to us all for my lack of adventure and enjoyment of the great abundance being offered.

i apologize my dear sister. I have hurt you with my judgement and distance. i have not been unkind in times when you may have been hurting and tender. your wounds at times felt like too much for me, and my heart was not open to simply offer you love. I have offered advice when you may have need a caring and loving presence. I forgive myself for the times when my heart has been hard and unwilling to see you, honor you, and be with you just as you are.

I want to apologize to my beloved for I slip into a temporary sense of fear, worry, and grief which pulls me out from the love and compassion we both share for one another. I forget that you see me for who I am; all of me. And I worry that you are seeing the "real me"; small mind and all. As a result of this fear, I separate myself from you. In doing so, I lose sight, touch, and understanding of the gift between us; our love, our happiness, and our togetherness. I am sorry for I listen to the voice within when you are calling out to me. And in doing so, I create worry and concern on your end. I love you. I am grateful for your love.

I have been doing this work for over thirty years and thank you so much for bringing healing to my heart and life with your writing. I apologize to myself for being so unkind to that 8 year old child who lives in fear. I am so sorry that I have not embraced you and brought you home to my heart. Please forgive me and come home. I am so sorry that I have allowed fear to keep me away from many blessed things and wrap my arms around you, my fear, and ask you just sit with me by the fire, siping tea and being at peace. I forgive myself for not knowing who I am in my heart, for allowing my mind to rule me, and not softening and opening to the hardness in my mind.I forgive myself for trying to force so many things out of guilt and shame and then beating myself up for doing this. O gentle, fierce heart of mine, I rest in your acceptance

i just read that someone apologized to themselves.I never thought to do this and now i see how i am always forgiving of everyone, but me.I never forgive myself and mentally beat myself up year after year for things i did when i was younger and really didn't have a lot of heart or self understanding. I think now i will try to forgive myself for being closed to me. thanks to the person who wrote the post.

I really owe no one outside of me an apology. I need to apologize to myself. I learned to love other people, but I never learned to love myself. I learned to care for and be gentle with so many other people over 40 yr. of public service, but I never learned to treasure myself. I realize now that I actually don't know how to love myself. Because I didn't do any of that for so long. So I apologize to myself for waiting for so long to ask the question, "are you willing to allow yourself to be happy, are you willing to allow yourself to treasure yourself, are you willing to let go of your suffering and open the heart to the unconditional love that naturally flows ?" And then the big one. Am I willing to STAY present in that tender open heart ?

Forgive me for seeing you, my parents, as parents rather than human beings. While professing to love all beings, I distanced myself from you. I wanted, yes craved, other parents - more interesting, exciting and open minded parents. What you gave me was steady support, sacrificing for my education, focusing on my spiritual growth, teaching me to think of others. Forgive me for my ignorance. I love you.

I want to apologize to my daughter for being cruel and unloving so many times and inattentive to her feelings. I know she suffered and I wish I could change it. I feel she will not forgive me and our bond is forever shattered at this time. I wish she knew how I honestly love her and will always regret my negative behaviors. I am recently aware she is in trouble and acting out in self-destructive ways and she does not trust me as an ally anymore. I feel so helpless and hopeless in this depressingly sad situation. I had to raise her on my own and had/presently still my parenting undermined by one of my 2 abusive parents. I am feeling fearful she will die in a tragic way and may never realize how I will always deeply care about her. i am so sad and feel such grief over this sorrowful situation. Nothing is of comfort for so long for me. Thank you, Ondrea and Stephen. I admire you both. Peace and Love!

I would ask forgiveness from all those I have hurt in thought word or action. May there lives be filled with light and joy. May all beings everywhere seen and unseen experience joy.

I want to apologize to the little girl I used to be, the one I was not strong enough to protect from the harshness of the world. You were a marvelous child, trusting and sweet and funny and bright. I'm sorry you suffered, and I'm sorry you were so often afraid. If I could, I'd get a time machine and go back there, wrap you in my arms, kick out the bullies and the perverts and the idiots who found amusement in your fear. I would be your hero, when no one else was even noticing. I'm sorry I could not do that for you then. Please release me from my obligation; please let me know that you are all right. Please let me know that you're singing, loud, and laughing even louder, and talking up a storm because everything in the universe fascinates you. I love you.

I am so very sorry for being mean to my younger brother when we were just young... I send my deepest apologies to him on this day...as well I send my deepest love and recovering heart. I vow to live towards him and myself now with tender respect and understanding. Thank you so much for listening & witnessing.

i am sorry for being mad at my body which has been ill most of my life.i am sorry to my children for being angry and they didn't deserve it. I was angry at myself for not knowing how to accept being an ill person without thinking i must have done something bad.I am sorry for not being able to forgive myself for my actions. i ask this sight to help me forgive myself and be a more loving person to everyone i know. thank you to all those on this sight who care for strangers.

I apologize to myself for being so mean to myself. I apologize to God & Life for the ways I am angry and finding it hard to forgive - angry at the ways I wish my life could have turned out differently & better - all these ways I blame myself and God and others and find it hard to let go. I apologize to my parents for the ways I am blaming them and holding resentments against them, and I pray for help to let this go. And to my friends who have hurt me - mostly inadvertently - by saying the wrong things and not knowing how to support me in my chronic illness, please forgive me for the ways I have hurt you and not communicated clearly with you, and haven't known how to express things to you wisely. I'm sorry. I'm not sure why it is so hard to forgive or why I stay angry for so long. God help me with all this. Show me how to open my heart even though it hurts and I'm afraid. Thank you. I send compassion to myself.

I apologize to those I hurt by the sometimes horrid behavior of the very troubled teenager I was so long ago. May those who were hurt have found healing.