Apologies

April 13, 2011 11:59 am Compassion: 116   

I am sorry that daily i am more likely to dwell in what is not working than what is working. I am sorry that I am unhappy unless I feel perfect, emotionally and physically, wasting precious life. I am sorry that I haven't learned the lessons of compassion with myself and that so much of my life has been me-focused in a negative way. I want be merciful to myself and refocus the remaining portion of my life outward, to live more in service and to walk with an open heart. I am so afraid that I will get to the end of this life and not have done this and yet I my fear of being open keeps me protected and in movement. I apologize for all I have taken and not given back.

April 10, 2011 01:03 pm Compassion: 116   

There's an old saying that some of us come into the world seeing the glass half full and some of us arrive seeing the glass half empty. I came into the world seeing the glass broken. I'm not sure I've ever had both feet in this world. The anchor thus far has been the earth, the animals and the wild. And every day I see these loves destroyed forever. I love as deeply and passionately as I'm able to; I honor these passions with what little I can do. As I grow older it feels like a cruel trick to love so deeply then have it ripped away. Unbearable frankly. My heart can't break anymore. Is it a sin to wish I were out? Maybe. But there is a limit to the level of sorrow one can hold. And I'm damn near close. So to my animal and plant friends, to the Earth, and to God, I'm sorry for wanting out so often. I won't voluntarily leave for fear of having to come back and do it again. No way. But on some deep level I am sorry so much of my time is wishing I weren't here. I've hurt a lot of my most beloved animal friends in that sorrow laden inertia. And I've tried to mute or quell it with narcotics. For this I genuinely and wholeheartedly apologize. Please forgive me.

April 3, 2011 04:38 pm Compassion: 117   

I apologize to my wife for my dishonesty and obsession with another woman. i apologize for seeing only my pain and not hers. I apologize for the lack of true intimacy and love. I apologize to the other woman for trying to manipulate her feeligns for me and for my obssessive behavior. My fear of letting go and my dishonesty about ending my marriage, I apologize to my wife for not being honest about my unstatisfaction with our relationship and my fear of being alone if I told the truth. I apologize to myself for not honoring who I truly am and living in self deciet.

April 1, 2011 01:30 pm Compassion: 122   

I apologize to my daughter and my son for all of sins of omission and comission over the years, especially when my daughter and my son were young and dependent upon me. I apologize for all of the fighting which went on between my ex-husband and myself that you children witnessed on a daily, if not weekly basis while you were growing up. I am sorry for taking you to visit unsafe people in my ignorance of what these people had done to me and others. I apologize for my addictions which impacted you growing up in a sane home. I apologize for needing to be right more than wanting to be happy when it came to my relationship with my ex-husband. I apologize for justifying bad behavior because my ex was not treating me with love and respect. I apologize for all of the hurtful things said over the many, many years of marriage. I am truly happy that you have found happiness in your second marriage. I apologize to my children and ex for being so needy and injured that all I could see at times was my own pain. I am sorry for the demanding manner in which I treated the three of you. I apologize to my sister whose love I have always wanted for remaining so angry with you that you "ttok the easy way out" when it came to remembering what happened growing up. I apologize for not accepting who you are other than someone who should validate my memories and love me even more because so much more was inflicted on me than on you. I apologize to my mother who was unable to protect me or nurture me, for all of the hatred I felt towards you all of these many, many decades. I apologize to my father for the hatred I felt and the blame for so many things beyond for which you were not responsible. And most of all, I apologize to the deepest parts of myself which have never seen the light because of all of the guilt and shame and self loathing which still perists for all of these many, many decades. I apologize to myself for not treating myself as my very own loving child and expecting so much that no one could possibly live up to those kind of demands. I am sorry that whenever, even as an adult, something unfortunate or difficult or painful happened to me, I locked myself out of my heart and went to the place of self blame I learned as a child growing up. Thank you, Stephen and Andrea for this beautiful source of compassion and all you do to help the world be a little more loveing.

March 31, 2011 02:32 pm Compassion: 118   

I'm sorry that I am judgmental whenever you open your mouth. I'm sorry i have hatred in my heart, because I know i also hate myself in that moment for hating you. I'm sorry that I did not accept your apology yesterday and chose to think it was not sincere, chose to hang on to my belief that you are not capable of sincerely seeing what you did was not okay and then apologizing for it. When you did apologize, i just ignored you and today I feel like a mean person and even as i write this I still feel the hardness in my heart. So I'm sorry i cannot soften my heart toward you. Today that is. I hope that someday it will happen. I really do. I know that it would benefit us both.

March 30, 2011 03:45 pm Compassion: 121   

I apologize to men for spending so much of my life being afraid of you and ashamed of my own confusions and fears - so I pretended I was clear and strong, and that only deepened my fears in the long run. I apologize for believing that it was you who held the key to my own happiness, and all of the manipulation, resentment and animosity that naturally followed. I apologize for not really seeing your tender loving innocence all of these many years. I really do want to trust you, I just haven't known how. I'm learning more about that every day.

March 30, 2011 03:18 pm Compassion: 120   

I send an apology out to the man who adores me in spite of my behavior. I apologize to myself for failing to treasure him and myself and for getting so wrapped up in doings rather than beings.

March 30, 2011 02:14 pm Compassion: 123   

I am so sorry that I spent my life in hiding by being fat. I wouldn't do the things that other mothers did because I was afraid my association with you would be embarressing for you and make your lives worse. I am so sorry that I rarely emerged from my cocoon of fat by getting thin, so that I could do activities with you and enjoy you when you were young. I am so so sorry that even though I loved you so much and I think you felt that love you were still alone. I am so sorry that I fell asleep early every night with my younger son which made my older son feel alone and emotionally abandoned.I am so sorry that I fell into a depression when your father left me pregnant and because of this I gained weight and wasn't there for you both as much as I should have been. I am so sorry that I spent so many years mourning your fathers departures instead of being present for the greatest gifts-that of my children that were right in front of me. I'm so sorry that I didn't get over my childhood abuse. When my father tried to sleep with me to punish my mother when I was a teenage I got fat. I was normal. I am sorry that I have not been able to emerge from this core wound and let it affect all the rest of my life. I have spent so much of my life regretting my inability to get over this original pain, that someone who was supposed to love me wanted to hurt me. I could stand the beatings and verbal abuse but when my dad crossed the sexual line I broke. It was just once, and it wasn't all the way or anything, but over the summer after it happened I gained 50 lbs and went from being beautiful to being fat. I am sorry that I let this one incident remain unhealed and cause all these problems for those that I loved. I am also sorry that I couldn't forgive you Mom for letting him hit me. I am sorry that I brought it up over the years and made you feel bad. I just wanted you to protect me and when I saw the emotional mess I became after years under the care of you and Dad that affected me now I wanted to blame you for my current problems. I am sorry for not being able to heal my wounds so I could live life and not hide in my porta prison. I am sorry I couldn't love myself and instead abandoned myself and I'm sorry that this affected the childhoods of my dearest beloved children and the old age of my beloved mother. I am sorry that I let one incident in time radiate out- I am sorry that I can't rewind my life and do it again as a stronger and more loving person. I am sorry I wasn't here for so much of my own life.

March 28, 2011 02:35 pm Compassion: 122   

i am sorry for not being the child my parents wanted.i tried for many years to change my personlity,but of course it never worked. Now i am trying to forgive myself for thinking it was all me. I am trying to love and forgive myself for who i am and not need to be different. the Levines said that many of the people go into the world looking for their "true" family. A family that loves us "as is" and accepts us "as we are" and still finds us WORTHY OF LOVE

March 28, 2011 02:22 pm Compassion: 121   

I apologize to my neighbours for not talking to them directly about something that bothered me. Instead, I was complaining to a third person about it and expected him to solve the problem for me. I was lacking the courage. It is still so hard to find the courage to do that because I am afraid of not finding the appropriate words or ???.

March 28, 2011 12:04 pm Compassion: 124   

i am so sorry to my beloved dog who i had to put down for behavior that i thought was dangerous.Now i found i was wrong and i could have gotten a trainer.I feel so much guilt and never realized how much i loved her until she was gone. i pray for her every day to forgive me. The levine's said sometimes we will have a dream that is realer than most and it a message from thoses we love saying they are ok and they love us.

March 28, 2011 11:27 am Compassion: 129   

I apologzie to you my beloved pet rabbit that you had to live with me while I was severely depressed. I am so very sorry for not having cared for you appropriately. Please forgive me. I bow in front of you out of deep respect.

March 22, 2011 03:29 pm Compassion: 124   

pop i am sorry for not knowing you were in the hospital and dieing. I am also sorry for being so very very mad at my brother for not telling me so i could come and be with you. .I know you wouldn't want me to stay angry but it may take a while for me to forgive. you tried so hard to be a good dad and i will try to live up to your generous heart.

March 22, 2011 02:44 pm Compassion: 127   

With this I apologize to my ex husband for fighting him, for wanting to change him, for wanting to be the better parent, for not having understanding for his situation. For blaming him and feeling like the victim and for giving him the authority to make me suffer. For manipulating him. For making him the enemy and not seeing his own pain and suffering. I apologize to my son, for not knowing better how to raise him, for my helplessness, my incompetence and stubbornness. For acting out my own childhood suffering and yelling at him. For not seeing him through eyes of kindness. For believing he was against me. For not letting him go. For not having trust in speaking gently, in parenting without pressure and force. For oppressing him with my suffering. For not seeing him. For not loving him, for wishing I had never had him. For being angry with him for being as he is. For being embarrassed about him. For passing on so much pain and drama and confusion to him. For not giving him enough security and stability. For being so ignorant and arrogant. For not seeing his suffering and pain.I apologize to myself for not being a good enough mother to myself. For not loving myself. For being so unforgiving and causing myself suffering. For punishing myself with guilt and not letting myself live free and happy in spite of all my imperfections and wrong doings. I apologize to my parents for using the old story as a reason to suffer. I apologize for my ignorance and my not trusting. For wanting to change everybody and everything. I apologize to God for wandering again and again so far and give so much love and thanks that beneath all there is trust and love and that no matter what, it is there. Astonishingly and heart breaking, trust is there. Namaste.

March 22, 2011 02:00 pm Compassion: 127   

With this I apologize to my ex husband for fighting him, for wanting to change him, for wanting to be the better parent, for not having understanding for his situation. For blaming him and feeling like the victim and for giving him the authority to make me suffer. For manipulating him. For making him the enemy and not seeing his own pain and suffering. I apologize to my son, for not knowing better how to raise him, for my helplessness, my incompetence and stubbornness. For acting out my own childhood suffering and yelling at him. For not seeing him through eyes of kindness. For believing he was against me. For not letting him go. For not having trust in speaking gently, in parenting without pressure and force. For oppressing him with my suffering. For not seeing him. For not loving him, for wishing I had never had him. For being angry with him for being as he is. For being embarrassed about him. For passing on so much pain and drama and confusion to him. For not giving him enough security and stability. For being so ignorant and arrogant. For not seeing his suffering and pain.I apologize to myself for not being a good enough mother to myself. For not loving myself. For being so unforgiving and causing myself suffering. For punishing myself with guilt and not letting myself live free and happy in spite of all my imperfections and wrong doings. I apologize to my parents for using the old story as a reason to suffer. I apologize for my ignorance and my not trusting. For wanting to change everybody and everything. I apologize to God for wandering again and again so far and give so much love and thanks that beneath all there is trust and love and that no matter what, it is there. Astonishingly and heart breaking, trust is there. Namaste.

March 5, 2011 02:30 pm Compassion: 127   

I am sorry for coming to my relationships with unbearably high expectations and for interpreting loved ones' mistakes, oversights, forgetfulness and just plain humanity as a betrayal. I am sorry for hardening my heart and holding grudges. I want to learn more and more how to look at the people around me through the eyes of the heart. Boundaries are important but unconditional regard through the eyes of the heart is so crucial!

March 4, 2011 01:26 pm Compassion: 126   

I apologize to my maker and to myself for not appreciating me, for seeing everything wrong. I am sorry for not understanding how to love myself. I am sorry to my beautiful step-children for not taking you in as my own. I am sorry dear spirit, for failing in your offering to me. I apologize for being so ignorant, and causing so much suffering. I am sorry for not knowing how to awaken. I am so sorry that I do not love myself.

March 3, 2011 12:42 pm Compassion: 130   

I apologize to my daughter for striking her when she was 17 months old.I am sorry for all forms of disallowing and non-seeing that I have communicated to my heart and to the world.

March 3, 2011 12:42 pm Compassion: 130   

I'm sorry I didn't listen when he said: "If I were you, I would leave me". Instead I stayed, 8 years. I'm sorry I beat myself up for staying. He said: "It's like I'm in a dark room, swinging a sword, then someone turns on the light and I see blood and body parts of the people I love all around me." I"m sorry I thought this was a turning point. I'm sorry I bled; I wish I could have left sooner. I'm sorry I kept turning on the light -- sometimes gently, sometimes not so gently. I'm sorry for the times I lost my compassion. Ultimately, I'm sorry I didn't listen to my inner voice, which warned me twice not to marry him. It caused us so much suffering. I'm sorry we will never speak again; the only way to be safe. Thank you, Ondrea.

February 28, 2011 12:37 pm Compassion: 126   

I am sorry for the unkind feelings I've felt for a woman I don't even know personally. I have experienced a beloved's pain around this woman and I've formed judgement and disregard of her. I am sorry for any and all unkindness I've displayed to those who love and care for me. I am sorry to my dog who is now in doggie heaven for my 'impatient being' with his behavior and antics. I am sorry to myself for any and all forms of disregard I've experienced as a result of my lack of compassion.