I apologize to all my lovers who I let into my heart and life and body and then threw away as if they did not matter. Actually, I did not matter and now I want to apologize to me, for thinking i do not matter. Now, I am falling in love with me and feel the love of the Divine and I apologize for ignoring Her most of my life as I sit here being eternally grateful for all the gifts along the road of this amazing life I have lived. How blessed to just be and believe and feel whole. I am learning to trust myself, treasure myself and trust the process, as Stephen once wrote to me many years ago. Halleluyah, what ever this Yah is. I am forgiving me and ask for forgiveness of all those , including me, that i may have hurt and have deep compassion for me for needing to protect myself by separating me out from the flow of life.

This is so hard to write but here goes. I am so very sorry to you, my unborn baby that I took your life many years ago. I ask your forgiveness. Amazingly, I was asking God to forgive me the other night and I heard in my heart those words that I now realize came from the divine saying "forgive yourself". I said in my mind that I could not and felt it deeply. So now I will ask of myself that which I couldn't do before. I ask for forgiveness and pray for the love to give it.

I am so deeply sorry for cutting you out of my life papi, and in the most painful way. I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry that 20 years passed and we never spoke nor laid eyes on one another. 20 years of silence. 20 years of you wondering why your youngest betrayed you. 20 years past when I learned of your death. On some level I know that what I did was out of desperation...survival. However, the ends do not justify the means. Please know that I carry you, lovingly, in my heart, wishing that the words from my lips and from my heart reach you. I'm truly, deeply sorry, I love you, and ask for your forgiveness. I wish you peace wherever you are. I hope that you can wish the same for me.

I am sorry to myself for all the self criticism and hatred I put towards me. I seem to be so hard on myself and this makes it difficult to focus on things that are positive along with relating to those around me. I am sorry to those who have been affected by my self criticism as it brings negativity into the relationship and can also allow me to not only be judgmental toward myself but also towards others. I hope I can be more forgiving towards myself and love myself for what I am and to live without the stories of what I 'should or shouldnt be' but instead accept myself. I believe this acceptance will ope me up to being able to love more and be more open towards others allowing them to feel as if they can be themselves in my presence. I am also sorry to myself for trying to care so much for others but not taking care of my own needs. I am so sorry to myself.

I am sorry for all the hateful thoughts I have sent to my inlaws lately. I worry that they criticize me for not working or earning enough. I feel guilty at my patchy work history I am sorry for dumping on them out of my own defensiveness. I know nobody else can see into another's soul or fully understand their journey. I know it's no good to judge or worry about being judged. But these fearful and supsicious thoughts often come back when I am feeling at a low ebb. At the moment I don't feel so good about myself as a mother. Some days I don't see the blessings in having a child with autism. It's as though I have dark glasses on and everything just looks bleak. Deep down, I have a fear that I can never do enough for my son. So I push myself harder and harder, get guilt ridden and resentful and end up feeling harsh. I know I have not been looking after myself lately. I am finding it hard to relax and just 'be'. I am finding it hard to keep my heart open to myaelf and to others. I am sorry for all the horrible thoughts I have sent out. Please forgive me.

I apologize for speaking with aggression, dismissal, and unkindness to people online who disagree with me. The issues are very close to my heart and soul, but that is also true of the people on the other side of the issue. Instead of becoming angry and trying to prove to others their viewpoint is wrong (such folly!) I want to focus on whether or not my heart has become closed. That is my first concern. The means, not the end. I pray for forgiveness for my unskillful speech, and support to communicate more gently. Thank you.

I apologize to myself for being so unkind to me. I treat me worse than a so called enemy. I love you, and I will stay the path of treating me with respect and reverence due a child of the universe! Forgive me. I am sorry. Thank you.

i apologize to my self: for asking of others what i was not willing to give myself. i've been duplicitous and have betrayed my own heart; not to mention manipulating others into loving me when i thought i was not worthy of love and support. i also ask the apology of the people with whom i need to set a healthier more honest boundary. i apologize to you and to myself for not respecting my limits.

I apologize for taking his side, and seeing you as the 'crazy' one, the problem. You have hurt me, that is true, but I can now see your behavior in context: as someone being driven crazy by being told you were stupid and mentally ill, shamed for your history of substance abuse, having the ground under you taken away, being emotionally abused and verbally humiliated every day in your marriage to your 'loving' husband. I apologize for taking 'the easy road' in my early twenties, for turning my back on you, believing all that he said about you, even when I could see how abusive he was being even after your divorce. He has literally sucked the life out of you, he has beaten you, taken your money, self-respect, pride, and sanity, and continues to derive smug pleasure and power from hurting you, to this day. I don't know if I can reach out to you right now, or ever, as you have hurt me over the years and I don't feel safe, even now, in reaching out to you with love. I will try to connect to how you were in my childhood, so full of love for me and my brother, so proud to be our stepmother! I am so sorry this has all happened, but I can only apologize for my behavior of seeing you through his manipulative lens, and continue to work on recovering all my shadowy parts so I do not abuse my loved ones like he does. I love you P.

Please forgive me for not seeing you and your needs in the way that you needed and for failing you as a mother. I apologize for laying my unmet needs on you and 'agreeing' to see you as more whole than you are. Please forgive me for not seeing the seriousness of your addiction and not understanding my powerlessness to it. I apologize for hurting you. I apologize for getting into it with you. I am sorry that you have lost your father, who seemed to understand you better than I. I am sorry that I could not help you more with your pain, aloneness and confusion. I love you so much and wanted you in the fullest way that I can imagine. I apologize for my ambivalence about having a son. I am so very sorry for bringing you into this world of sorrow and not being able to protect you from the pain.

I apologize for being so distracted by my own pains and worries that I just didn't see that you were slowly going lower and lower. I'm so sorry that I was short tempered with you when you were clumsy and clinging.I'm sorry that I pushed you to an operation that you couldn't survive. I was anxious too about it and just pushed us to go do it. Please forgive my distraction, how I love you dearly

I apologize for so many things that I don't know where to start. I apologize for being so insecure and angry all these years. I hurt people that loved me and I did things that I could never take back. I apologize to my parents for putting them through hell. I apologize to my ex husband for treating our relationship like it was disposable. I apologize to my children for not only their lives being changed by divorce but also by the last relationship that I was in. I apologize to those beautiful gifts from God and pray that they know they will never be rejected by their mother. I pray to take their pain and put it on me. I apologize for being so careless by letting someone in their lives who they loved and trusted only for him to leave. I apologize for allowing drinking to control my life and change me. I apologize for giving it so much control that it hurt others lives. I apologize for my actions after my brother died. I apologize to my heart for not listening to it. I apologize for not seeing how great of a person I truly am and believing in myself. I apologize for not being able to forgive myself after all these years.

I apologize to my brothers and sisters for being unable to be totally stain-free in my position as executor of my mother's estate. I've really done my best, under trying circumstances. The grief has been really awful at times, and it has been so much easier to open my mother's checkbook, rather than my own. If there is some way I can make this up, I will. But for the moment I simply ask for mercy. Could someone else have done this job? Probably. But it was appointed to me.

I apologize for not being a better friend to David who died yesterday...He was always the glass half full, me the glass half empty...David so loved life and met it head on with a sunny disposition. Trapped in a misshapen body since birth, he remained a steadfast friend over the years. Forgive me for my insensitivity, my anger,my distrust. I'll always love you.

I apologize to myself for hating my body as far back as I can remember.And for being so self-critical--comparing myself to others and deciding I'd fallen short. I also apologize to all my loved ones that I've pushed away--most notably my mom, my ex-husband, j.p. Forgive me.

I want to apologize for not having loved enough to All to GOD to mankind to MYSELF and: Ondrea an Stephen I have written to you decades ago, you are still in my heart will always be. I love you so much, and my "students" all know your meditations and one is writing a book on awakening using your WHO DIES meditation before she writes every day. love love love and thank you for tis wonderful page ***

I need to apologise for a few things in particular. I am so, so sorry for the pain that I caused my last girlfriend four years ago. I was so blinded by my own pain that I didn't think to give her the help that she needed too. I also apologise for having devoted the amount of love to her that I did. We strangled each other, and I did not help either of us by escaping into sleep for so many hours of the last few months that we had together. Society seems to tell me that I should be sorry for how we consumated our love together at such a young and illegal age, but in my heart I know that it was the right action at the right time. I am most sorry for the times that I reacted to you. People tell me that I was pushed into reacting in the ways that I did and with the words that I said, but I don't think so. I am sorry. I apologise, for it all. I apologise to my father, for the lack of faith that I had in him when I was younger. It wasn't that we didn't talk to him for three years, it was that I had released myself from being his son. He accepted me back without any ifs or buts, completely unconditionally. I cannot excuse my actions that I committed myself to in the past. I stirred up anger, and I was manipulative. I am sorry. I apologise, for it all. I apologise to myself. We have had a tough relationship in the past, and I have often deprived myself of the rest that I need. I have deprived myself of being grounded and clear-minded, and connecting with my heart. I deprived myself of my heart for at least a year after the break-up. I have spent years of my life escaping things. I still do spend large amounts of time escaping things. I am sorry to myself for all the pure living that I am escaping from. I apologise, for it all. Thank you, Ondrea and Stephen, for your son's book Dharma Punx. At aged 17 it put light into my life, during the most painful time of my life. He continues to fill my life with light whenever I see a youtube video of his, or hear people talking about him. Bless. And thank you, Ondrea and Stephen, for giving me the opportunity to apologise for some of my past on here. This very page is light in itself.

I apologize to life, my own, and Divine Love, and all others who have been hurt by my grogginess in waking up. Layer after layer of ignorance has been my history, and along the way I have caused much suffering. So much beautiful life wasted in focusing on painful situations and other people, expecting them to have been beautiful and enlightened, and in not knowing how healing it is to forgive, continuing to blame when life did not meet my ideals. In moving forward, I offer this apology to myself. I forgive me. I accept my forgiveness. Me love.

I am so very very sorry to my girlfriend, fiance, partner of nine years, who has recently left our relationship because of the hurt I caused. I am so sorry, my heart could not see. I am so sorry that I put too much time in 'our future' and not in our present. I am so sorry that I worked so hard, from home (turning our home into a prison of anger and stress), for misguided potential gains, but could not makes ends meet in the present. Always the future, whilst she supported me in so many ways. Emotionally, physically, financially. And after all her giving and all my taking, I then cheated on her. And I am so very very very sorry. And after a year of therapy together she is gone; and how could I blame her? Why should she have to carry all this hurt just to be with me. I am so sorry I took your love for granted, that I used all your love up. I can hardly breathe to think that she is gone forever from my life. The pain of this loss does not feel like a hurt I can recover from. We had so much together. My heart is broken, I am broken. I am sorry my love, my love.

I apologize to myself for the self rejection- self hatred I discover, as I navigate to deeper layers within me. I then apologize for the impact this has on others as I quietly project this onto others in the form of judgements... evaluations that are merciless and unkind. I apologize to my Father for the ignorence of our collective humanity that had him on the front lines of the Pacific War, and for not having the love & seeing & tools to help him recover his wounded mind and body and heart, and then being put in the position of unloading this woundedness into me. It is not what he wanted. It is not what he intended. With so much love and appreciation... Blessings.