I apologize to myself for believing that I am a bad person due to any little mistake (or perceived mistake) I may have made. I apologize to myself for judging myself so harshly, for harming my body with eating disorders, for keeping secrets that have kept me small and separate from others. I apologize for years of self-hatred. I also apologize to every person whose friendship I walked away from. I didn't know how to have good boundaries, so when I couldn't take the relationship any longer, the only thing I knew was to go away and never respond to your calls. I didn't know better. I couldn't do better. I commit to being kind and loving to me.

I apologize to my daughter for leaving the marriage. I'm so sorry, darling. I didn't want to hurt you or cause you distress. I hope that you will see someday that I had to leave because your mother and I are better apart than we were together. I'm so sorry, babe. I apologize to my son for leaving the marriage. I know you are in pain. I wish that I could have done things differently. I wish I had been strong enough to carry on in the marriage. I love both of you so much. Please forgive me and please know I didn't want you to carry this pain.

Apologize to God for leaving the religion I once made a promise to stay in and follow. I apologize to my ex-wife for not being strong enough to not take personally the anger towards men for the abuse you unjustly received from the man who stole your innocence. I am sorry for being selfish, impatient and not walking with you on your path to healing. I apologize to my parents for choosing to take a different path in life that forces you to have to disown and shun me. I apologize to my sisters for not being aloud to communicate with me because of the religion we grew up in. I apologize to my friends and family who I no longer have the privileged to contact and spend time with. I apologize to myself for taking so long to realize the pain you were going through and allow yourself to feel. I apologize to myself for taking so long to stand up for yourself and no longer allow people to control you through guilt, fear and shame. I am sorry my choice to reach for self improvement has caused me to distance myself from the family and friends I once knew. I am sorry for the difficulty I have in developing close relationships with the people currently in my life...

i apologize to myself for feeling ashamed and guilty for expressing my emotions to those I care about and for feeling that in this sharing they may step away from my heart and being I apologize mostly for not loving myself enough when I feel this way Thank you

I apologize to me. I apologize to me for sitting on shame cushions. Sitting there. Mindless. I apologize to me for not "keeping it real" when anger threatened to erupt and break my skin, my bones, but instead my heart. And yet I sat. Mindless. I apologize to me for stifled tears, choked panic attacks, muffled cries. I apologize to me for dealing with it later, no not here, not now. Wait for alone time. But there I sit. Mindless. I apologize. To. Me.

I am sorry my son for not listening deeply enough when you were reaching out to me. I am sorry I did not know how to help you grieve your father and understand his choice to take his own life, I was angry with him and this did not help you. I'm sorry that it is only now, with your death, that I am learning to surrender to pain. I am so sorry I could not save you.

Matt- I deeply apologize for being disrespectful for having an affair with your friend. At that time, he was the only secured person whom I can trust regarding your drinking issues. I don't know if it was deliberate but I developed friendship with him that will result in our divorce. I hope you can forgive me someday for I will always be your advocate and I will always love you.

I apologize for being fearful ... my whole life .. and not taking this on sooner than I have; I apologize for not knowing self-compassion and not taking this on sooner in my life. Sometimes this grief is too heavy, and derails me. I apologize for not being in sync with faith and trust, and missing out on this Divine support.

I apologize for not sitting on my meditation cushion more frequently, and I apologize for all the hurt and confusion I have created in my life. Please don't give up on me, I haven't.

I apologise to my mother for thinking daily about killing myself. I apologise to all the ones who love me for all my rage, my envy, my hatred. I dishonour and hurt and push away everyone, every single day. I apologise to my precious inner child for not being able to heal her. I apologise to life for being so overwhelmed by it. I just can't handle it. I never could. I am nothing but a walking wound. I apologise to God for my brokenness. I am so sorry.

I am sorry that I have lost myself. I think of the happy, creative, always dancing and handstanding little girl that I once was, and I don't know what happened to her. I am sorry that I kissed my sister several times when I was 12 and you were only 6. This was sexual on my part. I wish that I hadn't done that. I know that you remember and feel that i am the favorite in our parents' eyes and that you grew up to have abortions, break the law and cause pain and worry to our family. I am a coward who has not apologised or admit my actions and this causes me guilt and pain. I am ashamed of my actions when I was a child and also of my lack of courage now in discussing it with you or our parents. I wish that our parents had sensed what was happening and intervened. I am sorry to the girls at school when I was a teenager who I spoke harshly to and tried to pick fights with. My parents were getting divorced, I was lost but I didn't know it. I didn't know who I was and was trying a 'tough girl' persona. I am sorry to my beautiful children that I cannot control my temper. I have slapped you, and spoken in anger to you many times. I feel like I fail you every day. I want to do better. You deserve better. I feel fear that you will look back at your childhood without love for me. I am sorry that I am unable to be authentic with others. Sometimes when I feel low in mood I cancel plans made with friends. I feel that I need to present my best self to others or else they won't accept me for who I am. I am sorry that my jealousy and competitive nature stops me from forming real and true friendships.

I am so sorry that I could never be the child you had hoped for; the student you had set me up as; the attendant you were training me to be. I am truly sorry for the disappointment I have caused and as I allow myself to feel the sadness that has lain buried for so long, I know that all will be well ... x

Dear T. I may never meet you again in this life. But you come up often in my dreams. I am deeply regretful of the way I treated you and many others when we were in school together. We used to be good friends. I can't explain how come I could not enjoy our friendship but rather destroy it with my mean behaviour. As an adult, looking back, I know it was out of envy and many bad feelings about myself. I know I caused harm to you, and many others, with my bullying. As an adult, I try to forgive myself - the child and teenager I was. I may never see you more in this life, I pray you have forgiveness in your heart for people like myself. May you have a truly good life with great blessings. One day I will be able to let go of all the guilt I feel, and it is not because I do not care about all the mean things I did and said to and about you, it is because I also realize if I cannot open up and forgive myself and let go, I may never be able to heal and then maybe do the same injury again and again. I still hurt my loved ones sometimes, but I really don't mean to. Living with a closed heart and mind can cause so much pain to others. I don't want that to happen ever again. Dear T: Unnskyld.

I apologize to myself, to all the Beauty and Love that I am for believing in other peoples words and projections about what I am and how I should behave. I apologize to myself for repressing my femininity, desires and my feelings. I apologize to myself for believing I was valuable only if I was strong, clever and showed no feelings. I apologize to myself for striving for spiritual perfection and disregarding my humanness. I apologize to myself for constant criticism of my thoughts, feelings and desires. I apologize to my body for not loving it. J.

Dearest S. I'm sorry. I was so young when I met you, so unaware and so full of pain. You were full of pain too and we clung to each other to keep from drowning. But we pretended we were OK and filled up our lives with Ikea furniture and two great kids. We filled up our lives with parties to keep the loneliness at bay, but eventually, the loneliness took over and we couldn't find solace even in each other-- ours was always a connection rooted in mutual pain. I'm so sorry I can't be the wife you want me to be. I'm sorry for all the pain I have caused you and I wish you all the peace and love in the world.

Beloved N, I am soo sorry you went out of your way to see me and I did something that to this point I regret, I hide, I was in a strange space and I hurt you, you have been so loving with me for so long and I failed you and I feel an ache in my heart and deep regret for losing you as a friend, I am sorry please forgive me

Dear D, I have said so many words that words are meaningless now between us. My heart really is broken. I longed so much for your love and understanding that I couldn't stop and appreciate the love and understanding you were able to offer, and now I've lost that. I had so much unresolved grief, so much pain and so much brokenness inside me and I had this unrealistic hope that somehow you could heal me. In the process I've hurt you so much, which wasn't what I wanted but I couldn't stop myself from doing it over and over again. And now I'm in this place again of loss and suffering. I am trying to be gentle, I am trying to bring some healing to my own pain and develop some compassion. I don't know if I will ever get a chance in this lifetime to have any reconciliation. It's so hard, you feel so far away and I feel there's nothing I can do except silently wish you well from my broken aching heart. Life is so difficult. Not just for me I know. If this is the most I can ever say to you then I love you, in some way underneath the brokenness there was real love and with that real love I wish you real happiness and true love in your life. x

I apologize to myself for so many years of self loathing and the ripple affect that grew with it. My ways of adjusting in the world that I was so fearful of became my only vantage point. I am sorry that I did not see you... each and every person I have loved, touched, or even not loved, and disliked. In this self focused lifestyle I lived from, I could not see and love you well enough, for I so despised my being. I'm coming along in my search for self love. I have distanced some of you from me indirectly, some directly and I am so sorry to have done anything to add to your pain and suffering. I'll love you the best I am able, and keep working on allowing my heart to stay open to you should you ever want to return or not.

I apologize for when I was young and a neighbor boy, Wayne and I accidentally killed the kittens that were born in the garage. It was the opposite of what we intended. We wanted the kittens to be healthy so we walked by ourselves all the way down Chancellor Avenue to the pet store. I think it was Wayne's idea to buy puppy vitamins for them instead of kitten vitamins so they would be big and strong. I thought something was odd about the idea, but he was a little older than me and a boy so I went along with it. We fed the vitamins to the kittens - I can't remember how we could have done that - but they all died. My father freaked out and was distraught. He took them to be buried in a pet cemetary. I got overseen in the tumult of my father's anguish. I was so ashamed that I never played with Wayne again, or maybe they forbid me to ever play with him again. Even as I write this now, for the first time - I can recognize how small I was, and how I needed the adults to be big and teach me that sometimes it is important to rely on adults who have more life experience. But instead, what I learned was that adults were volatile and overwhelmed by their emotional reactions to death.

I am sorry for not being more patient with my daughters while raising them. I am sorry for my part in the cycle we are in now, they hurt me, and I bleed emotions, and they say it is my fault that we are not close. I have recently read Jon kabot zinns book on meditation and I am meditating to stay calm when under stress and not react. I am sorry to my sister who was critical and short with me , once again I cried and was emotional and now she wants nothing to do with me although we only live a few houses apart. She says my reaction to her small misstep is overblown and she does not want to walk on egg shells around me. I am working on my emotions and trying to be calm. I get that you all think that I am too emotional and that is the problem. Living alone in this new city with no contact except hellos to neighbors and being with fellow nurses and my patients has been so nice for me. I love the peace and centereness I feel. I am sorry that I am not able to enjoy my sister and my daughters. But I also insist that I be treated with the same respect I extend to them. I am deeply sorry that I cry easily and get hurt easily by these women I love. I am sorry that being distant is the only way to be peaceful for me. I realize that while I am a good calm nurse, well liked and repected, it is the personal relationships that are what matters most and I fail miserably with them. I ask forgiveness for my shortcomings. Thank you.