Good Morning on this New Moon day. It feels to be the time to sit with myself here in front of this screen and prepare to make my apology/apologies...to myself and all those I feel I have harmed through my unconscious and arrogant ways of being, speaking and thinking. I am sorry for the judgements I make and the sense of righteousness I feel about making them. I realize that the judgements I formulate/make, state, proclaim are my way of projecting out, upon others my own dissatisfaction and feelings of inadequacy about myself. My own fears of not being good enough in numerous ways. I particularly direct this apology to my co-workers, a man that continues to attempt to relate to me, my family of origin, my son and daughter in-law and grandchildren, my friends, my clients and anyone and everyone that try to help me see the errors of my ways. My deepest and greatest fear is I am not okay and I hide away with this fear. And I lash out from this place disguised as judgement and finding fault with anything outside myself. All the while fearing that I am being judged for my shortcomings and mistakes. Gosh..as I write I see such a perpetual cycle that is unrelenting and soooo painful. Armored and contracted.... Please forgive me for such behavior,distrust and darkness. I seek mercy for myself and my crusty painful place. And call out for help to change my fearfilled behavior. And seek deep compassion for the same.

I apologize to you, my precious daughter, for being unable to see you and be with you in your childhood. Yes, I was in the same home, I just did not know how to be present for and with you and to see your beautiful Spirit that you embodied for some years in such an innocent way. And now that you are 30 years old, it is very painful for both of us to be together, and I feel my regret and sadness, when your resentment for not having the love you needed comes forward. I love you so much, and I see you now, and I hope you will let yourself return to your beautiful natural state of such purity and grace that you came into this world radiating to all. I know you share this with a few friends where you live, however, please bring it with you when you return home to visit! There is love and peace in my heart waiting to welcome YOU home. Please welcome yourself home! I apologize to myself for having such strong and harsh judgment of myself as a mother as you were growing up, however I just could not accept that I too had not received the love that I needed as a child and had none to share with you! I did not know about self compassion when you were little and barely remember it now! I do have mercy for myself in brief moments of clarity!

I'm sorry for being too harsh with my children. I thought that if I only helped them get it "right" that they wouldn't have the pain that I've had in my life. But in my attempts to protect them from pain, I've caused them pain and have hurt them. I'm sorry for hurting them because of my own ignorance, stress, short sightedness, lack of knowledge, or selfishness. I'm sorry for all the times my children haven't felt loved, seen or appreciated. I love you my sweet ones.

I apologise to my brother for not being able to reach out to him because I can't get past my own pain. I apologise for seeing him through the filter of my neurosis, for not getting beyond that which keeps us separate, on all levels. I apologise to you for my closed heart, for having great expectations of you, for not allowing you to be but condemning you because of your own non-acceptance. I ask for forgiveness. I work to send loving kindness.

Dear Heather, I am very sorry for saying to you what you were not ready or available to hear. Although I did understand the risk of that when I said I had feelings for you. In my heart, I still deeply care for you. I wish you all happiness and I am aware of our sharing this planet each day. I wish you love. K

I'm sorry mom, for feeling (or exhibiting..i tried so hard to contain myself)so much anger toward you. It was toxic for both of us. Rest in peace mom. I love you, though i did not know then that i loved you. but, now i do. now i love you. now. peace.

I want to apologize to the man in my life (JCM) for not being completely present for you and causing a great deal of pain to your heart...you generously opened to me. I was suffering with chronic health problems. I hope you are able to forgive me for the pain I have caused you. You too caused me a lot of suffering. I have forgiven you for this, as well as myself for not being mindful during my time of deep suffering/illness, in which I have caused you pain, fear, and anger towards me. I wish you compassion, love, wisdom, and peace. ?When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending.? ― Thich Nhat Hanh

I am sorry for not being able to love you like I want to, and you deserve. I keep trying, but we have not had happiness for many years. I am a failure at the one thing I believe in so much: love.

I am sorry to my seahorse, Zachary, and my rabbit, Sugar. I allowed both of these pets to starve. i was a neglected child in the midst of an extremely toxic, dangerous home, with a parent who was an addict and another parent who was a co-addict / co-dependent. Although my cruelty toward these two pets was subconscious -- i was between the ages of 7 - 9 years old-- i realize now that i intentionally allowed them to starve as a metaphor for what was happening to me. I guess i was hoping that someone, ie an adult, would "notice", and make the connection. No one did. But i do. i deeply regret these acts of cruelty. there is no real excuse. I also forgive my parents for shaming me in both cases and not making the obvious connection-- not being able to step out of their own circle of madness to help me as a little girl who was acting out a lot of pain. it took me decades to understand why i did it, or that i did it intentionally -- that these tragedies were not accidents. -love, Vicki

I am sorry for abusing the trust of my best friend, what I did was cruel but unknowing. I apologise to my baby brothers, for not being able to be closer to you. I apologise to myself for not yet knowing how to be there. X

I am sorry for all of the pain I have caused my friends and family. For my addiction and unwillingness to change. I am sorry for my anger and hatred, and for my judgment of myself and others. I am sorry for all of the abuses of the human spirit I have visited upon myself and others, had I known, in my ignorance I would have acted more skillfully. I am sorry that I did not spend more time with loved ones instead of grabbing greedily at my own selfish desires. Lastly I apologize to my parents for being such a pain, so selfish, so difficult and so unruly. There's probably more. But that's enough for now.

I am sorry for not being able to stop the terrible forces connected with mental illness. It has been wrenching to loose our precious relationship. There has been so much trauma because the mind/brain can't sort though things properly under the conditions of delusional thinking. The suffering has intensified. I am sorry that I can't find enough self love to navigate this difficult territory without self-blame and guilt.

I apoligize to myself for all the years of neglect... neglect of who i truley was in the interest of pleasing others. I body aches when i think of the different path could have headed down if only i was curagious enough to do what I wanted to do. If only I had the strength to stand up for myself against everyones expectations of me. I m beginning to realize it is to late for somethings.... but the most important it is never to late. I pormise my self to follow my desires and to build a beautifull world for myself and my daughter. I am starting to take care of the things I hold close from here on out. Thnak You for listening

To the being who said" I haven't taken care of myself and fearful of being terminal". As a being with cancer i tell you it is never too late ,to start taking care of yourself! You can go online to the forums with the illness you think you have and ask them for a kind Dr.If you are not sure than ask friends or go online and look up a kind Dr. Please don't let fear get in the way of starting to care for you. Watch fear as sensations within the body.Don't push fear away,but soften to them. No matter what happens fear will tell you it is impossible. IF you focus on the heart it will tell you nothing is impossible. START DOING THE MANTRA"TREASURE YOURSELF NOW" you must do the hard work,no one can do it for you, but i will pray for you as i pray for all beings write to bolo@levinetalks.com and it will go to me. you are not alone love ondrea

i am so sorry to myself and my loved ones for not taking better care of myself and now i think i am terminal. i am scared to death to seek help and frozen in my day. i am so anxious and sad......................................

I was at the San Francisco Opera. A retired couple from San Diego sat next to me. We chatted amicably during intermission. Afterwards, I spotted them by the roadside, trying to get a cab. They were having no luck so I offered them a lift to their hotel. As we reached it they invited me for a drink. Although I was in no rush I started politely backing off, with the automatic, self-protective "that's ok/that's very nice, but..". For years I've regretted just dropping them off, and feel sad to think of the missed opportunity. I apologize to them for not accepting their return gesture of friendship and gratitude. I apologize to myself for not having an open enough heart to see beyond my fears of opening up to strangers.

I apologize to the little boy who is 3 yr. old, who was (is) me. I apologize to him for turning away from him, not recognizing him and not allowing him into my heart. He was (is) an innocent, beautiful boy, no mean streak, just wanting to please his family, even his abusive older brother, vacant mother and distant father. Once I could ride my bike away from home, I was always on the move and hardly ever at home again, and I ignored him. I abandoned him in pursuit of some kind of a brighter future where I could have some "control." Now I know that that wound to myself must be attended to. The little guy got really hurt but just stayed in place with a big heart and kept hoping while also hurting all the rest of my life. I now know him. And in Ondrea's words I say to him daily, "please, don't let my forgetfulness ever set us apart." He forgives me without hesitation, of course. When my whole self can forgive me, following his example, I'll reach forgiveness. Learning to treasure him is easy and it always makes me weep, and it is a step towards becoming able to truly treasure my whole self, which is a steep learning curve because I must first open with full openhearted acceptance of all the resistance to treating myself with the unconditional love I do have for my only child (who is 42). The mind is useless in such an apology, it doesn't want to give up territory, so it's only in full openheartedness (ignoring the left brain ego mind) that I apologize to the little guy whose smile, innocence and love is STILL there. He's making it possible to pursue the healing I took birth for. Blessings Ondrean

Now it is very clear to me that great part of "love and understanding" I showed to you was the result of beeing weak and selfish. Therefore it took you very long to enter into your way, to see life what it is and not covered with "make up". Dear Son, I apologize for beeing weak when you needed a strong mother. You are such a good boy and I am sure that you will have accsess to your true nature and precious self. I am so sorry that I was not able to see my part when I was often angry and without patient when you were a child and a teenager. I love you very much. You deserve all trust.

I apologize to my self for closing off so long ago, for isolating to the world due to overwhelming fear in my childhood. Fear of being gay, of being feminine, fear of never wanting to be taken advantage of again. I am keeping my heart open and creating space as I apologize to mine own self for all the self-harm over the years. For the subtle and not-so-subtle years of overeating to block out my emotions. I apologize to my body for not treating it with deep love and kindness. I also accept my own apology and forgive myself, as my heart aches when I really, truly think on these things. My heart aching is okay, and the forgiveness of my strong and open heart is healing, purifying.

I am sorry for ways in which I made you feel inferior and not good enough. These judgmental qualities are deep within me, and I'm working hard to recognize the impact this has had on you. I pray that you can forgive me as I am learning and do not want to cause harm and suffering. You are a treasure to be protected.