Apologies

March 4, 2020 07:00 pm Compassion: 84   

I apologize to myself for thinking it was all my fault when I was just too little to register that I was being abused. I know that I didn't cause this abuse and yet I have carried the shame with me like my dirty little secret. I am so sorry to myself for turning the tables and objectifying the men in my life. In penance I have not had a lover in over 20 years. But really it has been my great joy to fall in love with myself without the overly of the abuse - the tension, the guilt the shame. I apologize for thinking that no one will know if I keep this inside and feel getting it out is much healthier for me at this point. No one has rejected me on this subject so in some ways I feel better about saying the truth: I am frightened and aroused when I am frightened...so I just don't get aroused. If and when I do I know it's because I am frightened. after 70 years you would think this wouldn't be an issue but I am still a work in progress around this issue. I am sorry that I doubt myself and my self worth. I go on any way and things usually turn out great! I'm sorry wasting so much time hiding away with self criticism and doubt. I am forging ahead non the less. Never too late. This sorry small voice is out of the inside of my thoughts and head. I am glad. Better now than have to face this when I have not ability to do something about it.

September 20, 2019 08:55 am Compassion: 66   

I suppose the thing I now regret most is not owning my part enough; not relieving you of the blame as soon as I could. I'm sorry if I scared, shamed or devalued you as a person or a professional. I'm confused, but I regret my reactions, my projected anger and being a victim and making you the persecutor. Sometimes, I don't want to talk to me. Maybe in heaven, I would be free from hurting you and the bruises I made to our relationship will be no more. I'm sorry. I hope that it is long forgotten and that your life is as meaningful as you are to me. May you be free and happy always.

August 12, 2019 07:35 pm Compassion: 130   

I send my love and deep apology to the baby I shook when I was a brand new nurse graduate working in a stifling hot public health Indian hospital. All the babies were on isolation so I had to wear a gown and mask as well. One night a baby (maybe 6 months old) would not stop crying and I was at my wit's end. I picked it up and shook it, instead of loving it. This was before we knew about shaken baby syndrome and I have regretted my action all my life. I'm 78 now and still vividly recall that frustrating night, hoping that child was not damaged by my action. I never worked in pediatrics again and never forgave myself.

August 11, 2019 10:59 am Compassion: 70   

i apologize for being so absorbed in my own pain for so long when the ex left that i could not sense or perceive what my young sons were enduring and how much they needed me to see and to listen to them in their sadness and fear when their father abandoned us, instead of them comforting me so much. years later, they are both still in so much pain, but they have so much love and goodness in them, that i think they have forgiven me - though i can't quite forgive myself and wish i could do a do-over for these two gentle and loving souls, bring back the smiles into their eyes. thank you for allowing me this gift.

July 31, 2019 04:39 pm Compassion: 60   

I apologize; to my good tender heart for the thoughts that continually challenge it's confidence and trust within and without. I apologize to the ones who I love who I doubt because Im afraid and because I have been so hurt in my life and I apologize to life for not trusting and now pray to trust and have faith and be released from deceptive thoughts. Thank you for listening.

July 30, 2019 11:05 am Compassion: 79   

I am not sure where to begin. I apologize to my three children for not being the dad they deserved and I wasn't even aware if it. No excuses but I did not know what a family was supposed to be. I never had long talks with my either parent nor do I remember even talking with my siblings the closest memory I have is the four of us huddled in a bed while our parent were fighting which could get physical. I am 73 now and realize what I missed. I told my daughter that I was my dad except no alcohol. I am sorry my mom had to protect herself so much she had little time for us. This is just the beginning and I am afraid I don't know how to apologize very well.

July 25, 2019 08:06 pm Compassion: 62   

I apologize to those persons who were in my care many years ago. Some are living and some are dead now. I confess that I was under the influence of drugs while caring for you. I have held this secret fior many years and it is time to let go and let God heal my shame. I ask for forgiveness for the pain I may have caused you. I do not want to carry this guilt to my grave. I am so very sorry for my lack of judgement, my carelessness and irresponsibility so very long ago. I struggle to be at peace. These are my thoughts today. I thank the ONE who led me to this treasure box and I thank the Levine’s for this project.

July 23, 2019 07:50 pm Compassion: 63   

I am in a new phase of grieving you and I am reading the journal entries of your love for me. I am reading cards and love letters I sent you so long ago. I am so deeply sorry that you died before I could affirm you were right, yes we DID have something special. I apologize and regret that you died without us really healing. I apologize that you chose to die alone rather than feeling me withholding and criticizing you until the end. I apologize I wasn’t my best self with you and was unloving and saw you as withholding rather than just plain scared. I said I love you when I left that last night but you had to feel it wasn’t from my heart. I’m sorry and now it’s too late to honor what we had, who you are and from my heart let you know I truly love you.

July 18, 2019 09:29 pm Compassion: 58   

I aplogize to my son for not being the parent you needed. For not making the consequences fit the choices you made. I apologize to you my son my love for bailing you out when you should have done the work yourself. I'm sorry I didnt love you enough to trust you. I aplogize to myself and my other children for being too distant to connect. I aplogize to my family and especially my son for not recognizing and admitting that alcohol became your crutch because you never felt good enough. And that alcohol played into our family at a much more dangerous level than I could admit.

July 10, 2019 12:48 pm Compassion: 51   

I apologize to myself for being ashamed of sharing my feelings and being afraid that I will push you away. I apologize for self doubt and lack of self love, for listening to and being bothered by the stories my mind is telling me. I apologize for not trusting in my heart and yours and that my past wounds and abandonments are tainting this very different situation. I really, really apologize if I bothered you with my emotions at a difficult time, please forgive me as I pray to forgive myself

July 9, 2019 05:21 pm Compassion: 43   

when we touch another’s pain,with fear,that’s pity,but when we touch,another pain,with love,that’s compassion. Treasure Ourselves O

July 9, 2019 03:52 pm Compassion: 46   

I apologize to myself for believing that I am a bad person due to any little mistake (or perceived mistake) I may have made. I apologize to myself for judging myself so harshly, for harming my body with eating disorders, for keeping secrets that have kept me small and separate from others. I apologize for years of self-hatred. I also apologize to every person whose friendship I walked away from. I didn't know how to have good boundaries, so when I couldn't take the relationship any longer, the only thing I knew was to go away and never respond to your calls. I didn't know better. I couldn't do better. I commit to being kind and loving to me.

July 5, 2019 11:00 pm Compassion: 54   

I apologize to my daughter for leaving the marriage. I'm so sorry, darling. I didn't want to hurt you or cause you distress. I hope that you will see someday that I had to leave because your mother and I are better apart than we were together. I'm so sorry, babe. I apologize to my son for leaving the marriage. I know you are in pain. I wish that I could have done things differently. I wish I had been strong enough to carry on in the marriage. I love both of you so much. Please forgive me and please know I didn't want you to carry this pain.

June 12, 2019 07:03 pm Compassion: 51   

Apologize to God for leaving the religion I once made a promise to stay in and follow. I apologize to my ex-wife for not being strong enough to not take personally the anger towards men for the abuse you unjustly received from the man who stole your innocence. I am sorry for being selfish, impatient and not walking with you on your path to healing. I apologize to my parents for choosing to take a different path in life that forces you to have to disown and shun me. I apologize to my sisters for not being aloud to communicate with me because of the religion we grew up in. I apologize to my friends and family who I no longer have the privileged to contact and spend time with. I apologize to myself for taking so long to realize the pain you were going through and allow yourself to feel. I apologize to myself for taking so long to stand up for yourself and no longer allow people to control you through guilt, fear and shame. I am sorry my choice to reach for self improvement has caused me to distance myself from the family and friends I once knew. I am sorry for the difficulty I have in developing close relationships with the people currently in my life...

June 4, 2019 11:29 pm Compassion: 48   

i apologize to myself for feeling ashamed and guilty for expressing my emotions to those I care about and for feeling that in this sharing they may step away from my heart and being I apologize mostly for not loving myself enough when I feel this way Thank you

August 27, 2017 06:17 pm Compassion: 90   

I apologize to me. I apologize to me for sitting on shame cushions. Sitting there. Mindless. I apologize to me for not "keeping it real" when anger threatened to erupt and break my skin, my bones, but instead my heart. And yet I sat. Mindless. I apologize to me for stifled tears, choked panic attacks, muffled cries. I apologize to me for dealing with it later, no not here, not now. Wait for alone time. But there I sit. Mindless. I apologize. To. Me.

August 25, 2017 01:33 pm Compassion: 112   

I am sorry my son for not listening deeply enough when you were reaching out to me. I am sorry I did not know how to help you grieve your father and understand his choice to take his own life, I was angry with him and this did not help you. I'm sorry that it is only now, with your death, that I am learning to surrender to pain. I am so sorry I could not save you.

August 13, 2017 02:29 am Compassion: 67   

Matt- I deeply apologize for being disrespectful for having an affair with your friend. At that time, he was the only secured person whom I can trust regarding your drinking issues. I don't know if it was deliberate but I developed friendship with him that will result in our divorce. I hope you can forgive me someday for I will always be your advocate and I will always love you.

August 12, 2017 05:58 pm Compassion: 80   

I apologize for being fearful ... my whole life .. and not taking this on sooner than I have; I apologize for not knowing self-compassion and not taking this on sooner in my life. Sometimes this grief is too heavy, and derails me. I apologize for not being in sync with faith and trust, and missing out on this Divine support.

August 11, 2017 02:57 pm Compassion: 62   

I apologize for not sitting on my meditation cushion more frequently, and I apologize for all the hurt and confusion I have created in my life. Please don't give up on me, I haven't.