Apologies

March 6, 2021 02:24 pm Compassion: 31   

I'm so sorry to my sister for the way I treated you when we were children. I was cruel to you, taking out my aggression and my fear. Our parents sent me to therapy to help with my aggression, but still I persisted in treating you as an annoyance at best until I left our home. I know I was a child, and I forgive the child in me who was so lost and confused. But still...I am sorry to you. You did not deserve that. I also have not always treated you with kindness as adults. When we became close I had "goals" for you and our relationship in my mind, and have seen you through the prism of my stories about you. I didn't always listen when you needed me to listen. Now we are estranged and I see more clearly how I have contributed to this hurt and distance. I am sorry to you, I am sorry to myself. I love you. I love us.

February 28, 2021 09:23 pm Compassion: 24   

I am sorry for having hated myself for so much of my life. I am sorry for attacking and disconnecting from my parents. I am sorry for having disconnected from my ex partner. I am sorry for all the hateful, ignorant, bigoted things I’ve said or believed. I’m sorry for every time i ever took delight in someone else’s suffering. I’m sorry to every person i pushed away and disconnected from. I’m sorry for having punished anyone who tried to love me. I’m sorry for having turned my back on god.

February 28, 2021 09:23 pm Compassion: 25   

I am sorry. When I was younger, I was babysitting three children and they were wrestling with me. I was aroused by the energy of touch and play. I had an erection while they were wrestling with me. The boy climbed on top of me while I was sitting in the chair and I took him off of me. I touched him in the butthole while I was moving him. I didn't feel in control and I felt awful afterwards. I felt ashamed. Afterwords, I felt like I would never be able to forgive myself. When I am quiet sometimes I think of this moment and I have connected to his spirit. He is still alive and will live a good life I'm sure. His spirit says to me to forgive myself. That he forgave me. To me this feels like I coulden't speak it outloud because it is so terrible. I don't feel like I was in control of myself. I felt overwhelmed. I am so sorry for any pain or confusion I caused. And I love myself and the younger me who felt out of control and overwhelmed. I love him with this confusion. I love you I'm sorry please forgive me thank you. May I release this weight and may I live a life in service of others.

February 27, 2021 02:12 pm Compassion: 13   

I am deeply sorry for lying. I still carry some hurt from the betrayals, even though, intellectually I know we were different people at that time. And, even though you apologized and I forgave you, there is still hurt in my heart, there is fear. You were the only person I really ever trusted, the only one to whom I told secrets, who knew the most vulnerable part of my being. I have learned patterns of protection (anger, defensiveness, judgement, contempt) for my heart, like an army of soldiers ready to fire and keep any suspected danger at bay. And, fire they do....I'm so sorry for the hurtful words and actions that crushed you at the core. I have never felt so much anger for so long. It would have been incredibly helpful if you could have said the things and done the things I needed you to say or do, when I needed you to. And, to have set and respected appropriate boundaries. But, I couldn't be honest with you, or we with each other at the time. I know once you really realized the impact of your actions (abandoning me and risking the well-being of our families), you were so deeply ashamed and pained. But, by then I had started to get in touch with my anger, and then I begin to feed it, to indulge it. Especially, when it didn't seem like the appropriate boundaries had been set with the AP to protect our relationship. I have never felt so much rage. I had worked through the childhood trauma and released limiting beliefs, but I had repressed so much anger at myself and my parents that your betrayal with a family friend and then continuing to breach boundaries, just pushed that anger into rage. I made you pay with painful heart-breaking words...and I am so sorry. You didn't deserve that. We were both traumatized by the betrayal. We both contributed to the conditions that arose for the betrayal. I am sorry for the years of not being that best friend that I promised to be. I'm sorry for not begin able to trust you again, even though I said I did. I am so sorry for perpetuating the same story of hurt and anger, even when we had untangled so many painful knots and our relationship had grown tender and sweet. I am so sorry that I have had difficulty in forgiving her, which has kept the army around my heart on guard. Like us, she is just a human with causes and conditions that led to the betrayal. I deeply apologize to my own vulnerable self for being hard on myself for not being able to let go of my anger. I wish the AP, to whom I had opened my home and heart, could have reached out to reconcile...to say I'm sorry for causing so much pain and heartache, but she didn't and that hurt so so much. I didn't realize how hard whole-hearted forgiveness could be without reconciliation. But, I am ready with my whole heart to forgive her, even without it. I let go of the fear that boundaries will not be respected. I let go of my anger and ill will. I let go of the ego's insecurities and need for righteousness. I relieve the army of its duties. I give myself permission drop this burden that closes my heart. I forgive myself for holding on to it for so long. I am free to move forward with my whole tender loving heart. May all beings be well, happy, and peaceful.

February 20, 2021 02:59 pm Compassion: 16   

I apologize to myself when in a moment of crisis I did not give myself the option of time to think but instead made a rash decision that hurt everyone including myself.

January 26, 2021 03:22 pm Compassion: 17   

Asking forgiveness of the world

January 20, 2021 08:21 pm Compassion: 22   

I apologize to my brother for all the resentment I hold toward him because he did not assist me with the soul crushing care of my 92 year old mom in her journey with dementia.I am sorry that I am not better able to release my bitterness at losing so much of myself to this task.

January 20, 2021 08:14 pm Compassion: 21   

I am sorry I have not achieved forgiveness sufficient to allow me to show up for our relationship, Mom. I understand your personality disorders, and I can forgive you for your shortcomings in mothering. But, as hard as I've been trying for these last 7 years, I cannot, as much as I truly do want to, seem to forgive you for your last rounds of betrayal that traumatized me so severely and destroyed my relationships with my only immediate family who remain on this earth. I sincerely do want to be in active relationship with you, because you may not be of this earth for very much longer. I'm sorry I cannot find the forgiveness our relationship needs in order to begin to heal; I'm sorry I cannot find it in myself to convince myself that I would be safe to interact with you. I wish you health and comfort. Your only remaining daughter.

January 15, 2021 11:51 am Compassion: 21   

I am sorry I stole your husband from you. You left the door open for me to come in by living apart from him for 10 years and by your dependence on alcohol. Now he is ill and at the end of life, I can tell you this. He always loved you and loves you still. More than me, I hate to admit that myself and certainly not to you. Please forgive me.

January 11, 2021 08:57 am Compassion: 22   

sending Foregiveness. And thank you Stephen, Ondrea, and Ram for your help.

December 21, 2020 09:04 am Compassion: 25   

I forgive myself for "putting my dog to sleep" while he was a healthy animal. I forgive those friends who supported my decision. I cannot recall why the dog's behavior seemed to merit this drastic and selfish solution. He loved me and trusted me and I let him down. I am so sorry. I am grateful for the years we had together and will remember him with deep love forever.

April 21, 2020 01:05 pm Compassion: 78   

I apologize to my yoni and my inner child. When I was 17 I had a surgery called a labiaplasty to permanently alter my labia because I was so uncomfortable with how my body looked. I felt this was the only way to become acceptable, sexually active and ultimately loveable. I have grown so much from that sad isolated child and I apologize for sometimes hating her and the decision she made (that I would not make now). I apologize for abandoning my yoni. Cutting her and subsequently making her endure sexual situations she did not enjoy. I am so so sorry. I am still learning to love you, some days it is hard to see past the shame of the decisions I have made and some days I feel warm with hope. I apologize to my most holy tender part of myself becoming another data point in the statistics that show the rapidly rising popularity of this surgery. I am so deeply sorry to any woman younger than me that felt that statistic legitimized her decision to have the surgery. I apologize for keeping this part of my story a secret for too long and thus letting the shame consume me. I have been shown the incredible healing benefits of entrusting this story to kind-hearted people. And that is what I am doing now - thank you to whoever witnesses this, I love you

March 4, 2020 07:00 pm Compassion: 84   

I apologize to myself for thinking it was all my fault when I was just too little to register that I was being abused. I know that I didn't cause this abuse and yet I have carried the shame with me like my dirty little secret. I am so sorry to myself for turning the tables and objectifying the men in my life. In penance I have not had a lover in over 20 years. But really it has been my great joy to fall in love with myself without the overly of the abuse - the tension, the guilt the shame. I apologize for thinking that no one will know if I keep this inside and feel getting it out is much healthier for me at this point. No one has rejected me on this subject so in some ways I feel better about saying the truth: I am frightened and aroused when I am frightened...so I just don't get aroused. If and when I do I know it's because I am frightened. after 70 years you would think this wouldn't be an issue but I am still a work in progress around this issue. I am sorry that I doubt myself and my self worth. I go on any way and things usually turn out great! I'm sorry wasting so much time hiding away with self criticism and doubt. I am forging ahead non the less. Never too late. This sorry small voice is out of the inside of my thoughts and head. I am glad. Better now than have to face this when I have not ability to do something about it.

September 20, 2019 08:55 am Compassion: 66   

I suppose the thing I now regret most is not owning my part enough; not relieving you of the blame as soon as I could. I'm sorry if I scared, shamed or devalued you as a person or a professional. I'm confused, but I regret my reactions, my projected anger and being a victim and making you the persecutor. Sometimes, I don't want to talk to me. Maybe in heaven, I would be free from hurting you and the bruises I made to our relationship will be no more. I'm sorry. I hope that it is long forgotten and that your life is as meaningful as you are to me. May you be free and happy always.

August 12, 2019 07:35 pm Compassion: 133   

I send my love and deep apology to the baby I shook when I was a brand new nurse graduate working in a stifling hot public health Indian hospital. All the babies were on isolation so I had to wear a gown and mask as well. One night a baby (maybe 6 months old) would not stop crying and I was at my wit's end. I picked it up and shook it, instead of loving it. This was before we knew about shaken baby syndrome and I have regretted my action all my life. I'm 78 now and still vividly recall that frustrating night, hoping that child was not damaged by my action. I never worked in pediatrics again and never forgave myself.

August 11, 2019 10:59 am Compassion: 71   

i apologize for being so absorbed in my own pain for so long when the ex left that i could not sense or perceive what my young sons were enduring and how much they needed me to see and to listen to them in their sadness and fear when their father abandoned us, instead of them comforting me so much. years later, they are both still in so much pain, but they have so much love and goodness in them, that i think they have forgiven me - though i can't quite forgive myself and wish i could do a do-over for these two gentle and loving souls, bring back the smiles into their eyes. thank you for allowing me this gift.

July 31, 2019 04:39 pm Compassion: 62   

I apologize; to my good tender heart for the thoughts that continually challenge it's confidence and trust within and without. I apologize to the ones who I love who I doubt because Im afraid and because I have been so hurt in my life and I apologize to life for not trusting and now pray to trust and have faith and be released from deceptive thoughts. Thank you for listening.

July 30, 2019 11:05 am Compassion: 81   

I am not sure where to begin. I apologize to my three children for not being the dad they deserved and I wasn't even aware if it. No excuses but I did not know what a family was supposed to be. I never had long talks with my either parent nor do I remember even talking with my siblings the closest memory I have is the four of us huddled in a bed while our parent were fighting which could get physical. I am 73 now and realize what I missed. I told my daughter that I was my dad except no alcohol. I am sorry my mom had to protect herself so much she had little time for us. This is just the beginning and I am afraid I don't know how to apologize very well.

July 25, 2019 08:06 pm Compassion: 63   

I apologize to those persons who were in my care many years ago. Some are living and some are dead now. I confess that I was under the influence of drugs while caring for you. I have held this secret fior many years and it is time to let go and let God heal my shame. I ask for forgiveness for the pain I may have caused you. I do not want to carry this guilt to my grave. I am so very sorry for my lack of judgement, my carelessness and irresponsibility so very long ago. I struggle to be at peace. These are my thoughts today. I thank the ONE who led me to this treasure box and I thank the Levine’s for this project.

July 23, 2019 07:50 pm Compassion: 65   

I am in a new phase of grieving you and I am reading the journal entries of your love for me. I am reading cards and love letters I sent you so long ago. I am so deeply sorry that you died before I could affirm you were right, yes we DID have something special. I apologize and regret that you died without us really healing. I apologize that you chose to die alone rather than feeling me withholding and criticizing you until the end. I apologize I wasn’t my best self with you and was unloving and saw you as withholding rather than just plain scared. I said I love you when I left that last night but you had to feel it wasn’t from my heart. I’m sorry and now it’s too late to honor what we had, who you are and from my heart let you know I truly love you.