Apologies
We have had this project in mind for years. As we look at it now, it seems to be a very good idea as a means for tilting the shared heart and letting it pour into the ocean of compassion. If you were told you were completely forgiven for everything you have ever done, what is it in the heart that rejects that self mercy? Treasure Yourselves
Love, Ondrea & Stephen
February 22, 2012 11:46 am
Compassion: 3
I apologize for being so distracted by my own pains and worries that I just didn't see that you were slowly going lower and lower. I'm so sorry that I was short tempered with you when you were clumsy and clinging.I'm sorry that I pushed you to an operation that you couldn't survive. I was anxious too about it and just pushed us to go do it. Please forgive my distraction, how I love you dearly
February 15, 2012 02:12 pm
Compassion: 8
I apologize for so many things that I don't know where to start. I apologize for being so insecure and angry all these years. I hurt people that loved me and I did things that I could never take back. I apologize to my parents for putting them through hell. I apologize to my ex husband for treating our relationship like it was disposable. I apologize to my children for not only their lives being changed by divorce but also by the last relationship that I was in. I apologize to those beautiful gifts from God and pray that they know they will never be rejected by their mother. I pray to take their pain and put it on me. I apologize for being so careless by letting someone in their lives who they loved and trusted only for him to leave. I apologize for allowing drinking to control my life and change me. I apologize for giving it so much control that it hurt others lives. I apologize for my actions after my brother died. I apologize to my heart for not listening to it. I apologize for not seeing how great of a person I truly am and believing in myself. I apologize for not being able to forgive myself after all these years.
February 8, 2012 05:03 pm
Compassion: 16
I apologize to my brothers and sisters for being unable to be totally stain-free in my position as executor of my mother's estate. I've really done my best, under trying circumstances. The grief has been really awful at times, and it has been so much easier to open my mother's checkbook, rather than my own. If there is some way I can make this up, I will. But for the moment I simply ask for mercy. Could someone else have done this job? Probably. But it was appointed to me.
February 8, 2012 12:37 pm
Compassion: 14
I apologize for not being a better friend to David who died yesterday...He was always the glass half full, me the glass half empty...David so loved life and met it head on with a sunny disposition. Trapped in a misshapen body since birth, he remained a steadfast friend over the years. Forgive me for my insensitivity, my anger,my distrust. I'll always love you.
February 5, 2012 04:42 pm
Compassion: 19
I apologize to myself for hating my body as far back as I can remember.And for being so self-critical--comparing myself to others and deciding I'd fallen short. I also apologize to all my loved ones that I've pushed away--most notably my mom, my ex-husband, j.p. Forgive me.
February 3, 2012 02:44 pm
Compassion: 15
I want to apologize for not having loved enough to All to GOD to mankind to MYSELF and: Ondrea an Stephen I have written to you decades ago, you are still in my heart will always be. I love you so much, and my "students" all know your meditations and one is writing a book on awakening using your WHO DIES meditation before she writes every day. love love love and thank you for tis wonderful page ***
February 3, 2012 02:34 pm
Compassion: 17
I need to apologise for a few things in particular. I am so, so sorry for the pain that I caused my last girlfriend four years ago. I was so blinded by my own pain that I didn't think to give her the help that she needed too. I also apologise for having devoted the amount of love to her that I did. We strangled each other, and I did not help either of us by escaping into sleep for so many hours of the last few months that we had together. Society seems to tell me that I should be sorry for how we consumated our love together at such a young and illegal age, but in my heart I know that it was the right action at the right time. I am most sorry for the times that I reacted to you. People tell me that I was pushed into reacting in the ways that I did and with the words that I said, but I don't think so. I am sorry. I apologise, for it all. I apologise to my father, for the lack of faith that I had in him when I was younger. It wasn't that we didn't talk to him for three years, it was that I had released myself from being his son. He accepted me back without any ifs or buts, completely unconditionally. I cannot excuse my actions that I committed myself to in the past. I stirred up anger, and I was manipulative. I am sorry. I apologise, for it all. I apologise to myself. We have had a tough relationship in the past, and I have often deprived myself of the rest that I need. I have deprived myself of being grounded and clear-minded, and connecting with my heart. I deprived myself of my heart for at least a year after the break-up. I have spent years of my life escaping things. I still do spend large amounts of time escaping things. I am sorry to myself for all the pure living that I am escaping from. I apologise, for it all. Thank you, Ondrea and Stephen, for your son's book Dharma Punx. At aged 17 it put light into my life, during the most painful time of my life. He continues to fill my life with light whenever I see a youtube video of his, or hear people talking about him. Bless. And thank you, Ondrea and Stephen, for giving me the opportunity to apologise for some of my past on here. This very page is light in itself.
January 29, 2012 05:17 pm
Compassion: 21
I apologize to life, my own, and Divine Love, and all others who have been hurt by my grogginess in waking up. Layer after layer of ignorance has been my history, and along the way I have caused much suffering. So much beautiful life wasted in focusing on painful situations and other people, expecting them to have been beautiful and enlightened, and in not knowing how healing it is to forgive, continuing to blame when life did not meet my ideals. In moving forward, I offer this apology to myself. I forgive me. I accept my forgiveness. Me love.
January 29, 2012 05:15 pm
Compassion: 30
I am so very very sorry to my girlfriend, fiance, partner of nine years, who has recently left our relationship because of the hurt I caused. I am so sorry, my heart could not see. I am so sorry that I put too much time in 'our future' and not in our present. I am so sorry that I worked so hard, from home (turning our home into a prison of anger and stress), for misguided potential gains, but could not makes ends meet in the present. Always the future, whilst she supported me in so many ways. Emotionally, physically, financially. And after all her giving and all my taking, I then cheated on her. And I am so very very very sorry. And after a year of therapy together she is gone; and how could I blame her? Why should she have to carry all this hurt just to be with me. I am so sorry I took your love for granted, that I used all your love up. I can hardly breathe to think that she is gone forever from my life. The pain of this loss does not feel like a hurt I can recover from. We had so much together. My heart is broken, I am broken. I am sorry my love, my love.
January 23, 2012 03:36 pm
Compassion: 26
I apologize to myself for the self rejection- self hatred I discover, as I navigate to deeper layers within me. I then apologize for the impact this has on others as I quietly project this onto others in the form of judgements... evaluations that are merciless and unkind. I apologize to my Father for the ignorence of our collective humanity that had him on the front lines of the Pacific War, and for not having the love & seeing & tools to help him recover his wounded mind and body and heart, and then being put in the position of unloading this woundedness into me. It is not what he wanted. It is not what he intended. With so much love and appreciation... Blessings.
January 23, 2012 03:31 pm
Compassion: 26
I am sorry for judging myself harshly (continuously). I am sorry to myself for feeling so much shame (not being married, not having children, not having a family life). It has been excruciatingly lonely, and I'm sorry for not meeting this much suffering with compassion and mercy. I have relentlessly criticized myself for this experience. I feel haunted by immense loss and envy of people who live in relationship, with intimacy in their household. I am sorry for blaming myself for this much pain. Thank you, Stephen and Ondrea for your gift of lovingkindness.
January 23, 2012 02:36 pm
Compassion: 31
There's so much to apologize for. There's so much to be angry about, and (as I learn from Stephen and Ondrea), anger is almost always about grief. I lost my mother 8 months ago. She had lived a good long life, and she was very complete with her process, but I am not. She literally died 12 hours after I was married (she came from the care home to see) and I know that she felt complete and happy that I was happy. Her process was wonderful, but mine is very painful. I was immediately thrown--at the age of 50--into marriage, a new family, and the loss of my parent whose caregiver I had been for several years. The fallout has been so pervasive that there are times when nothing seems real to me, except the bills that continue to accrue. I apologize to my siblings for my taking some of the inheritance money to smooth my way. I intend to make it up to them when I can, but there are times when there's just no other way. I apologize to my father, dead 13 years now, for the ways I could not appreciate him in life. I apologize to my new wife, who is a magnificent person, for my numerous adjustment faults and difficulties. The only person I'm not apologizing to is my mother...Am I complete with her? Did we get it right enough? And me? Do I need to say I'm sorry to myself? Mostly I berate myself for my shortcomings. "If only I'd learned that at 15, I wouldn't be dealing with this at 50." "If only I'd played Little League, I would have gotten through the insecurities that still hold me back in some ways." "If only I had won acceptance to that particular graduate school, the one that would have covered up my failings." There's more, so much more. But I ask for the compassion of those who read this.
January 18, 2012 03:46 pm
Compassion: 29
I apologize to my father for being impatient with him during his last illness. As I realized it was his last illness, I learned infinite patience and time slowed so that it seemed we had forever to be together in his last days. Now, I am applying this profound understanding to the time I have with my aging mother. I do apologize to her because I did not have faith in her recovery and rescued her from a mental health institute only after they had spent much of her estate she so painfully earned. I forgive myself for the sequence of events, not knowing how non-gentle the mental health system is. She is thriving now that I am managing her care. Now is the time to celebrate our love. But, darn! I find guilty thoughts arise, partly because my mother continues to grieve her material losses. I forgive her for that ongoing process. I forgive myself for a mind from which emerges self blame. I am deeply grateful that I am alive, and all the love that is around. I abide in mercy from within and without. Thank you Ondrea and Stephen. So happy to have compassionate witness.
January 18, 2012 03:22 pm
Compassion: 25
I apologize for not accepting the love offered to me by partners and friends, for not feeling worthy of their love. I apologize to me for not loving all of me, for thinking i did not matter, for leaving without looking back. I apologize for not uncovering my heart and letting the love flow, for releasing the passion i have for life, up until now.
January 16, 2012 03:49 pm
Compassion: 32
I apologize to myself because even as I write this I am angry that my husband is in the other room probably looking at pornography on a computer screen which he quickly switches when he hears me nearby. I forgive myself for being obsessed and wanting to catch him, but not confront him because I am afraid. I keep returning to see what he is doing; I keep peeking. I forgive myself that I am still sneaky and not yet ready to be truthful. thank you, Ondrea for this opportunity to share and be heard, and to hear others. It is hard.
January 12, 2012 04:59 pm
Compassion: 29
I apologize to my mother for taking for granted all the things she did for me when I was growing up. I love her immeasurably.
January 11, 2012 02:34 pm
Compassion: 26
THE APOLOGIES YOU DO ARE NOT ONLY FOR YOURSELF ,BUT IT SUPPORTS EVERYONE IN THIS DIFFICULT WORLD. 2012 IS GOING TO NEED ALL THE LOVING KINDNESS YOU CAN SEND TO THOSE LIVING WITHOUT LOVING KINDNESS. TREASURE YOURSELVES LOVE ONDREA&STEPHEN;
January 11, 2012 01:33 pm
Compassion: 39
I'm so sorry for allowing myself to be abused both physically and emotionally all those years. I apologize to my children who witnessed first hand the unhealthiness of this relationship I had with their father. I apologize to my children for all the hurt I have caused them by my own decision to stay in an abusive relationship. I'm sorry to my extended family for putting them through a lot of worry because of my unhealthy relationship. I apologize to myself for thinking that I didn't deserve better. I'm sorry I didn't just walk out when I should or could have. I apologize for not realizing that all my unhealthy codependency has resulted in my children having emotional issues of their own now that they are grown ups. I'm sorry I didn't say something to my parents when I was 14 and sexually abused by a teacher that I trusted. I carried all that guilt with me until I married someone that abused me because I felt that I didn't deserve better. I ask forgiveness from anyone, including my family and children, whom I have offended or hurt in any way... I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt anyone. I forgive myself for any wrongdoings I may have done... I did the best job I could in raising my children with the emotional tools that I had. Thank you Stephen and Ondrea for your wonderful work...... you are the most kind and caring people I know and I would like to emulate your kindness in my life to those I meet. LOVE and PEACE to you and everyone out there.
January 11, 2012 01:31 pm
Compassion: 25
Thank you to all of you for contributing so deeply to my own healing. At the moment I am doing intensive forgiveness work. It is simply time. Part of my healing is bearing witness to yours. Everything I read here makes me cry. It opens my heart so completely to the beauty and fraility of our being. I forgive myself for not coming to this website more often! I forgive myself for not holding all of you & the heart of the world more often. I promise to do better. I forgive myself...
January 11, 2012 01:30 pm
Compassion: 25
Life is so hard...Stephen says it all the time. I apologize to my mother, for not knowing and understanding her physical pain. She was very stoic about it most of the time, but when something seeped through it was very real, and I often did not respond well. Now that I'm well into middle age, I feel some of those discomforts, and I'm not stoic. She used to say to me, "I wonder how you will handle it when something really bad happens?" Well, nothing that really bad has happened yet, but it surely will. I apologize to her, to myself, and to all the beings that are in pain, which means everyone. I know this is turning into a lament rather than an apology, and the only question I can offer is: "Why doesn't life come with an instruction manual?"