Apologies

August 27, 2012 12:09 pm Compassion: 152   

I apologize to myself for being so hard on myself for having panic attacks. I apologize to my partner for leaning so much on him.

August 27, 2012 12:09 pm Compassion: 151   

Dear Baby, I am so sorry I sometimes get so caught up in my head and fear that I don't listen and adapt to your needs. You are a sweet, sensitive soul that is struggling to fit into a household of adults, and yet are very much a little boy. I promise to honor your feelings, listen deeply to your words and do my part as your momma to adapt our routines so that they work for you too. I love you, sweetie.

August 27, 2012 12:08 pm Compassion: 157   

I am sorry today for all the friends I pushed aside, forgot about, ignored or left aside. You deserved better from me. I thought at one time that life would last forever or that, at least, there was ample time, now I know in this life that is not the case and there is no room for shutting anyone out, no matter what the so-called "justification." I will do better.

August 22, 2012 05:23 pm Compassion: 171   

Guy, I am so sorry about all of the mistakes that I made while raising you. I think that you know that. I love you with all of my heart and you you are always with me in my heart. You have given me everything, love, and life at the expense of your own, and I promise that I will do everything within my understanding to to live my life with honor and filled with love to best of my ability, to honor your short time here on earth as my beloved son. Mommy

August 22, 2012 04:58 pm Compassion: 175   

I am sorry I can't help you little baby sister. You have your own journey as painful as it maybe and I cannot rob you of that. I love you.

August 18, 2012 08:26 am Compassion: 182   

I`m so sorry that it took me years to see finally that both of you are bodhisattvas. I never met you but I love you deeply. Beings like you are the balance of the universe. Thank you for chosing long time ago your path to give us healing.

August 18, 2012 08:26 am Compassion: 203   

To my spirit and my little girl inside, and my self - I'm sorry I'm so hard on you, so mean to you so often. You've worked so hard, you still work so hard every day. And all I seem to do is find - with breathtaking speed and ease - what's wrong with your efforts, what you could have done better, why what you accomplished "isn't that great," and of course, focus (focus focus) on what is likely to go wrong in the future. You (nearly always) mean well, you've been through so much, and you've come so far. And although you've been inordinately lucky and enjoyed real support from others from time to time, you've also achieved what you have, "made it out" of where you've escaped from by virtue of your own strength and patience and determination. But I find it so difficult, daily, to give you credit for any of this. Why is it so much easier to slide into the blame and negativity and fault finding? You're in so much pain, so so often, and yet I find myself consumed with negative thoughts and even hostility toward you rather than embracing you with the compassion that you deserve, and that (I know) you struggle to offer others. I'm so sorry for all the terrible things I say to you and feel about you. I promise to do better and try and give you the love you (and all of us) deserve. Please forgive me and know that you are worthy. You don't suck. You're not unlovable.And you don't need to hide who you "secretly really are."

August 16, 2012 04:11 pm Compassion: 192   

herewith i follow my heart which remind me to apology to myself for not finding during 50 years the courage and determindness to develop the enormous creative potencial in me and instead live a mediocre life. in the late years of my life i finally follow my destination to my and others joy. i am so grateful for my precious life.

August 15, 2012 06:21 pm Compassion: 189   

Dear family: I am sorry for our suffering, yours and my own, for our inability to attach more deeply... and my profound loneliness which seems to contribute to crystallizing this dynamic. I love you deeply. Please forgive me. Love Always. S.

August 11, 2012 01:37 pm Compassion: 202   

When I was 17, almost 20 years ago, I worked as a stripper in a bar. One afternoon I got into my car after work completely drunk. I drove drunk and at an intersection almost caused a serious accident with woman in an oncoming car. I turned off onto a side road and after a few minutes a car behind me flagged me over to the side of the road. It was the woman who I had almost caused a very serious accident with. She rolled down her window was visibly shaken up from the shock and said "You did not even pull over to see if I was okay, that could have been really serious. You are not a mensch, a mensch would have done that." Those words really hit me and never left me since. "I am not a Mensch." And I really wasn't. I would like to thank that woman from the bottom of my heart. Only now after years on the spiritual path with my spiritual teacher, have I come to experience what it means to be a Mensch. Without her words to me that I am not a Mensch, I would have never seen how true it is, and wished to find the Mensch inside me. I would have never strived to find the goodness inside and would have hid behind the lie of being a really good person. Thank you angel for showing me the truth and putting a burning in my heart to rise above my ego self. I apologize for having not been a mensch, for having not seen if you were okay, for not even really seeing you. Thank you so deeply and forever

August 11, 2012 01:35 pm Compassion: 185   

I apologize to my former husband for not holding the contract we vowed to as sacred. I apologize to those involved in this situation. I apologize for asking for forgiveness as this lays the burden again at their feet. I have learned the lessons that this situation taught to me knowing full well i created this situation from my own previous lack, fear, unknowing. I apologize to my children for not being unselfish when I could have been. I apologize to the situation of one of my children whom I am choosing to be silent. I feel this is their path and their lessons. I apologize to my husband for allowing anger to influence my words and actions, I have chosen and do choose to remain balanced and grounded with love.

August 8, 2012 02:32 pm Compassion: 205   

This apology is to the two souls I aborted many years ago. I was not willing to bring you into a chaotic and abusive family situation. My decision felt clear then. It cleared the path for two souls to incarnate in a healthy and clear way. Are you the same souls? I do not know. In any case, I apologize for the suffering my actions and decisions caused you. May your incarnations grow your heart. May you know the joy of our shared true nature. May you and all beings be free of suffering.

August 7, 2012 05:47 pm Compassion: 204   

This apology is to my mother. I am sorry for the mistakes I made in caring for you in your last days. I miss you so much. I wish I could show you love now. OUr fear and confusion blocked the love we could have shared. It has been very hard for me to forgive myself. tl

August 7, 2012 01:36 pm Compassion: 203   

I apologize for taking in the unskillful judgment of my aunt who said, "You're lucky you can take the time to take such good care of yourself, because if you had young children to care for and to support, you would not be able to stay off your foot and be in bed with your foot elevated." My doctor says I must not walk on my open ankle woumd and to keep it elevated until it heals or I will bleed and destroy my foot that has an open wound. I do not know how anyone - with kids to take care of or not, would be able to walk with this injury. I grew up in a family that pushed and pushed for achievement. Who you are as a person didn't matter as long as you achieved and had status and wealth. Taking care of oneself, even sleeping was judged as self indulgent, a waste of time and selfish. "You have a week to heal....two weeks to mourn a death.....then you get on with it." I forgive myself for being upset all day and doubting that taking care of myself and following my doctor's instructions as being selfish and 'milking my injury.' I forgive my aunt for her unskillful judgement and for not being aware of the extent of this injury and prescription for recovery. I am sorry that I am unkind to myself and others who have injuries and illnesses due to not understanding, not caring or selfishness. I send love to myself and all those who are injured and suffering. And I thank my aunt for bringing forth this unskilled lack of compassion within me to reveal what I do towards myself and others.

August 5, 2012 03:10 pm Compassion: 208   

today I used harsh speech against my father. He is trying to force me down a path I do not want for myself and I am having a very stressful life because of mistakes I made. I have created many problems in my life and just want to return to the path with heart I that brung my heart joy and I want to make a promise to myself not to use such speech again. Many blessings to you Ondrea and Stephen.

August 3, 2012 04:27 pm Compassion: 215   

May I be open to the suffering of myself and otheres without judgement. For all the judgements I made to myself and others I seek forgiveness. Let my heart soften in mercy. may I be happy, may you be happy.

August 3, 2012 04:11 pm Compassion: 222   

I'm sorry to my lover/my soulmate for all that has transpired between us. I'm sorry that my hurtful and cruel words may have cost us our special friendship of 18+ years. I'm sorry for trying to comfort you when your son died, only to drag you into a relationship when you were at your most vulnerable and really just needed a friend. I'm sorry for being so happy in the beginning of our r/s that I started to actually hold you responsible for my happiness, eventually blaming you for not continuing to provide it.I'm sorry I made you feel as if what you were giving was not enough, I am sorry I expected anything at all in the first place. I'm sorry I got angry in the end that you could not commit to me. I'm truly sorry for the endless cycle of hurtful words, apologies, more hurtful words, etc. until that last fateful email exchange. Now you are gone and my heart is breaking again and again, every day. I've sent you one more email, an apology, but you did not answer and I fear you will never forgive me or you will dismiss it as another apology in an endless cycle of them. I'm sorry that I read your last email with a judging mind instead of from my heart, and did not hear what you were really trying to tell me, which was that you felt unworthy. I'm so sorry that I reacted with anger and hurtful words which probably made you feel even more unworthy. I didn't tell you this for fear it will seem like more empty words, but I want you to know that I'm breaking the cycle, I am learning how to see the truth within and how to control my anger. You are grieving and needed my love and support. I know now that when you seemed so angry over trivial things that you were just in pain and needed help. I am so sorry that I gave you more pain by reacting with anger of my own. I am sorry that I have not forgiven myself for all that transpired between us. I am sorry for accusing myself of being a horrible friend and a person who is not worthy of love. I'm sorry for making you feel that you are unworthy of love too. May the love we've cultivated over the years continue to grow and be all that remains between us.

July 31, 2012 08:39 pm Compassion: 271   

I apologize for any unskillfull action or words that I may have done or said to anyone that may have hurt them or caused pain.As a teenager and young adult (and not so young adult) I used to steal and lie only because I felt that coming from a poor family I did not have enough I apologize to myself for all the times that I did unskillfull things to myself only because I felt less than and unworthy,most of all I apologize to my heart and body for recent thoughts of suicide,having a lot of back pain and leg pain I have thought of this to relieve my suffering,but I have a vow to not create harm and to use this physical pain as a way to a deeper opening of my heart (and all hearts) to feel compassion and loving-kindness and freedom. As I would like to be free of emotional pain and physical suffering may all beings be free of emotional pain and physical suffering. Blessings to all! Deep gratitude for a loving place to confess and apologize, thank-you Ondrea and anyone else who might read this

July 31, 2012 01:09 pm Compassion: 246   

I am sorry for not being so dense and in denial and not realizing that you were vulnerable and dying and needed me to be your backstop. I am sorry for not visiting and helping you during your last hard five months -- I know now that you wanted me to come and help without having to ask me. I loved you so much but I was also afraid of you, my dear Mother, and I let my fear and resentment and vulnerability keep me from my expressing my love. I wish I could do it over.

July 30, 2012 03:53 pm Compassion: 231   

I am sorry for telling you that I would make sure our mother paid your dental bill before she died, and then after she died, reneging and creating stress for you when you were sick and I was executor. I am sorry for making a fuss over a symbolic issue for months before I paid it. It boiled down to me trying to even the score because I felt she loved you the most, and money was love to me.